(August 9, 2015 at 2:33 pm)Shinagami Wrote: Nobody would notice I was gone. It wouldn't affect anyone.

Seriously, dude, don't think like that.

Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? Google it. Basically it is the premise that a butterfly flapping its wings in Africa will so alter air currents that it will eventually affect weather in North America. That's the the consequences of a chaotic system. A tiny effect can multiply and have huge consequences.

I could make the same argument as you - that my absence wouldn't affect anyone. But what if my presence convinces you to remain amongst us, you get a mercy fuck from Paris Hilton and your kid invents warp drive? It could happen, man!

(August 9, 2015 at 2:33 pm)Shinagami Wrote: Nobody would notice I was gone. It wouldn't affect anyone.

That's funny, because every depressed person says that.

The most heartbreaking thing about that is that actually yes, if you were to top yourself your family actually would be devastated. They may have no idea how you felt. A common thing I hear from families who lost a loved one from suicide was "I had no idea they felt that way, I wish I knew so I could have done more to help them recover".

Losing a loved one is hard enough (I know that, having lost my Dad to cancer just 2 months ago, he would turn 53 today it's his birthday), but it's even harder knowing they felt so tormented that they took their own life. It would leave you feeling helpless, you'd blame yourself for the rest of your life. That's the main thought that turned me away from suicide. I just never had it in me to put my parents through that.

My family are all Christian.

(August 9, 2015 at 6:13 pm)Shinagami Wrote: My family are all Christian.

So what?

(August 9, 2015 at 6:26 pm)Faith No More Wrote:

(August 9, 2015 at 6:13 pm)Shinagami Wrote: My family are all Christian.

So what?

So they don't like my non-belief. I'm an embarrassment to them. That among other reasons. They won't exactly be mourning the lost potential because there is none.

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(August 9, 2015 at 3:45 pm)Faith No More Wrote:

(August 9, 2015 at 2:33 pm)Shinagami Wrote: Nobody would notice I was gone. It wouldn't affect anyone.

That's funny, because every depressed person says that.

Maybe but in my case it's actually true.

(August 9, 2015 at 12:36 am)Minimalist Wrote:

Quote:What looming disaster?

The Trump campaign.

You're right, I think if he got elected, the suicide rate might go up.

(August 9, 2015 at 6:29 pm)Shinagami Wrote: So they don't like my non-belief. I'm an embarrassment to them. That among other reasons. They won't exactly be mourning the lost potential because there is none.

Just about everyone is an embarrasmment to their parents. Again, you define yourself based upon what you perceive as negative attributes. If you truly want to work on your depression, you're going to have to work on that.

(August 9, 2015 at 3:45 pm)Faith No More Wrote: Maybe but in my case it's actually true.

So they all say. I have yet to meet one that was actually right.

(August 9, 2015 at 6:37 pm).Faith No More Wrote:

(August 9, 2015 at 6:29 pm)Shinagami Wrote: So they don't like my non-belief. I'm an embarrassment to them. That among other reasons. They won't exactly be mourning the lost potential because there is none.

Just about everyone is an embarrasmment to their parents.  Again, you define yourself based upon what you perceive as negative attributes.  If you truly want to work on your depression, you're going to have to work on that.

I agree

A massive part of overcoming so much shit I went through with depression was doing anything I could to come to terms with parts of me I don't like.

For me, this was about being gay. I was depressed about it and loathed myself as a teen. Still loathing myself, I happened to meet some gay people on a forum like this (wasn't specifically a gay forum, just happened to have a few gays), and quite quickly they became online friends who I could look up to and it gave me something I could aspire to be; the finished result, a gay person totally unapologetic about it and happy. It took a long time but that's how it happened for me. In 3 years I went from being so far in the closet I was on the other side of the planet Narnia is on, to being comfortable in my own skin and taking ownership of my sexuality.

I bring this up because I think it's relevant and I see a parallel with your experience of "non-belief". You're among friends here on this forum, it's a place you can meet like people who are just like you who can support you. Give it time you'll be so much more confident.

And if your family don't accept you, it won't be the end of the world once you're grown. Like I said before blood doesn't make you family. If you're old enough to support yourself now, let them go. They sound like people you'd be better off without anyway. You can only rely on yourself.

I am grown. Another poster made a "joke" implying I was 13. WTF?