Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 15, 2024, 10:34 am

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
joke time
RE: joke time
People are arguing for the right to die permanently.
Reply
RE: joke time
Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008: (true story)
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but the dog moaned and the phone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
 
1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
 
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
 
Thought you'd like to know!
Reply
RE: joke time
(November 28, 2017 at 12:16 pm)purplepurpose Wrote: People are arguing for the right to die permanently.
Suicide?! That's the LAST thing I would do!
Reply
RE: joke time
(November 28, 2017 at 4:19 pm)Darinda Wrote: Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008: (true story)
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but the dog moaned and the phone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
 
1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
 
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
 
Thought you'd like to know!

I HAVE to try this with Hammy!

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
(November 26, 2017 at 3:26 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

You stole that from Rik Mayall! Tongue

And, more correctly it's "Why did the perfect cross the road? Because he couldn't get his nob out of the chicken!"

Here's another: "What does a man with a two foot cock have for breakfast? Well this morning I had a boiled egg."

(November 28, 2017 at 11:34 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:
(November 28, 2017 at 4:19 pm)Darinda Wrote: Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008: (true story)
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but the dog moaned and the phone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
 
1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
 
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
 
Thought you'd like to know!

I HAVE to try this with Hammy!

But what if I enjoy it a little too much? Especially with the pissing and moaning!
Reply
RE: joke time
You stole that from Rik Mayall! [Image: tongue.gif]

Dude! I love Rik! Especially season 2, episode 1 of the Young Ones--"Bambi". Rick: "(snotty voice)How many times have you tried it!" Neil: "Vyvyan's socks are hasslin' me!" Rick: "Who likes me...raise your hands!" Bambi: "Who is the world most stupidest bottom-burp?" Answers Vyvyan: "Rick". Vyvyan: "This calls for extreme violence!" Did you notice that the third contestant from Footlights college is none other then the actor who played House in the TV series "House"? Then there's Drop Dead Fred. A chick movie but, hilarious!
Reply
RE: joke time
(November 29, 2017 at 12:15 am)Haipule Wrote: You stole that from Rik Mayall! [Image: tongue.gif]

Huh. No I didn't I quoted Rik Mayall. SHE stole it Tongue
Reply
RE: joke time
(November 29, 2017 at 12:15 am)Haipule Wrote: You stole that from Rik Mayall! [Image: tongue.gif] I was quoting you

Dude! I love Rik! Especially season 2, episode 1 of the Young Ones--"Bambi". Rick: "(snotty voice)How many times have you tried it!" Neil: "Vyvyan's socks are hasslin' me!" Rick: "Who likes me?...raise your hands!" Bambi: "Who is the world most stupidest bottom-burp?" Answers Vyvyan: "Rick". Vyvyan: "This calls for extreme violence!" Did you notice that the third contestant from Footlights college is none other then the actor who played House in the TV series "House"? Then there's Drop Dead Fred. A chick movie but, hilarious!
And the Scumbags College mascot pig that Vyvyan said to Bambi was a ferret named "Bacon Sandwich'!
Reply
RE: joke time
Hammy:

A couple of years before "The Young Ones" I lived in Australia. My favorite TV show then was The Paul Hogan Show. That was YEARS before his Crocodile Dundee movie.

Do you remember Ed and Nuke, Leo Wanker and Superdag? Shit! That was hilarious! (Americans: "dag" means someone who always has a beer in his hands)

Question: Even though I am American, I do have the superdag death ray armpits. A weapon so powerful, I promised to use it only for the cause of good! 

However, it is impervious to cats whom follow me around like I'm catnip! My wife suggests a shower. But, then I am impervious to women! What do I do Aussie Man?
Reply
RE: joke time
Haha, no I haven't seen that. The Young Ones were actually before my time but I'm a big fan and I've seen them all because my parents were big fans.

The Young Ones were early 80s, of course, and I was born in 88. But I grew up with Bottom though. I saw that as a kid (lol no wonder I'm so fucked up right? Tongue)! Lol. And then my parents introduced me to The Young Ones.
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2748 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18797 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4844 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 127 Guest(s)