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Current time: December 15, 2024, 11:37 am

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joke time
RE: joke time
I just went to a pub and there was a dog behind the bar. I asked for a Guinness. Dog went "Arf". I said "No, make it a pint."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "We have a drink named after you!" 

The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Wally?"
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!






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RE: joke time
A dog limps into the bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"
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RE: joke time
Fella walks into a pub dragging a chain behind him.  The barman says, 'Why are you dragging that chain?' and the man says, 'Because it's easier than pushing it.'

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
Fella walks into a bar with a penguin on a string. "Why've you got a penguin on a string?" asked the barman.

"Found him wandering around in the road, thought he wasn't safe."

"You should take him to the zoo," suggested the barman.

"OK, I'll do that."

Next evening in walks the man, still with penguin in tow.

"Thought you were going to take it to the zoo!" exclaimed the barman.

"Oh, I did and we thoroughly enjoyed the trip. I'm taking him to the movies tomorrow."
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RE: joke time
Speaking of bars ....

Quote:It was a hot day in Aitken , Minnesota . Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.


"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street .


She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. 

The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.


"Ya know," Helga said in a timid voice... "Vell, I don't usually go into bars but today I vill make an exception... It is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer."

"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell, fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"
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RE: joke time
45 walks into a bar, bartender says, "Get the fuck out!"
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RE: joke time
Two babies in the maturnity ward; one a boy, and one a girl. The boy says to the girl, "I'm a boy". The girl replies, "Prove it!" The boy whips off his blanket and says, "Look...blue booties!"
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RE: joke time
A baby seal walks into a club.....
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!






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RE: joke time
(December 2, 2017 at 11:06 pm)chimp3 Wrote: A baby seal walks into a club.....

(slightly) longer version:

A baby harp seal galumphs into a bar.  The barman says, 'What'll you have?' and the seal says, 'Anything but a Canadian Club.'

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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