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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 10:18 am
(This post was last modified: December 12, 2017 at 10:22 am by Edwardo Piet.)
(December 11, 2017 at 4:53 pm)Darinda Wrote: 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
By asking this guy:
Didn't South Park teach you ANYTHING?!
Go to 2:20:
(December 11, 2017 at 4:54 pm)Brian37 Wrote: (December 11, 2017 at 1:37 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Bri, dude - it's a joke.
Boru
I got that part, but unfortunately we have a president accused by 16 women endorsing a Jerry Lee Lewis Judge mall rat named Roy Moore. So yea, it is just a "joke".
^ This post is the least funny of all posts in the joke thread so far.
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 11:26 am
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. `Tim, you`re first,` she said. `What does your mother do all day?`
Tim stood up and proudly said, `She`s a doctor.`
`That`s wonderful. How about you, Amie?`
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, `My father is a mailman.`
`Thank you, Amie,` said the teacher. `What about your father, Billy?`
Billy proudly stood up and announced, `My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.`
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy`s house and rang the bell. Billy`s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy`s father said, `I`m actually an attorney, but how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?`
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
`The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you $180.
Are there any questions?`
One student raised his hand and asked, `How much for a season pass?`
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked, `Where did you get such a great bike?`
The second engineer replied, `Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, `Take what you want.`
The second engineer nodded approvingly, `Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn`t have fit.`
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 11:27 am
My avatar is now a robot. The head might make a good dildo. I have no idea what robot this actually is. I found it on Google. Lol.
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 11:33 am
(December 12, 2017 at 11:27 am)Hammy Wrote: My avatar is now a robot. The head might make a good dildo. I have no idea what robot this actually is. I found it on Google. Lol.
and this is ... a joke of the year 
keep it up Hammy!
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 11:35 am
(This post was last modified: December 12, 2017 at 11:36 am by Edwardo Piet.)
(December 12, 2017 at 11:33 am)KittyAnn Wrote: (December 12, 2017 at 11:27 am)Hammy Wrote: My avatar is now a robot. The head might make a good dildo. I have no idea what robot this actually is. I found it on Google. Lol.
and this is ... a joke of the year
keep it up Hammy!
I keep it up a lot throughout the day. So I guess I don't need the dildo after all.
Wait a minute . . . I didn't realize this was the joke thread.
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 11:51 am
(This post was last modified: December 12, 2017 at 11:52 am by purplepurpose.)
"Harris serial rapist-robber targets young men
Police say men were targets of rape spree
Authorities say nothing suggests assaults will end anytime soon
By Cindy Horswell Published 6:30 am, Saturday, December 16, 2006"
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 1:33 pm
(This post was last modified: December 12, 2017 at 1:33 pm by Cyberman.)
St Peter is checking in the new intake at the Pearly Gates. He's giving the orientation speech when the crowd is startled by a piercing scream.
"Please remain calm, everyone," he says, "There's absolutely nothing to worry about. That was just someone having a hole drilled into their head to attach their halo."
He carries on with the briefing, getting everyone to fill in the necessary forms. Then there's another blood-curdling scream.
"No need to be alarmed," he says. "That's someone having a hole drilled into their spine so they can attach the wings."
A woman in the crowd says "Bollocks to this, I'm going down to hell," and starts to leave. St Peter waves his hands frantically.
"No, don't do that, you'll be raped and sodomised down there!"
"Well that's okay," she called back. "I've already got two holes for that!"
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 4:23 pm
(This post was last modified: December 12, 2017 at 4:24 pm by purplepurpose.)
0:40 DUES VULT!
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 9:25 pm
Little known fact about Alabama Senate Candidate Roy Moore: He's a wizard, and once tried to take Dumbledore's place during Harry Potter's second year. True story.
He was meeting with Cornelius Fudge, minister for magic after Dumbledore was expelled from the school. Lucius Malfoy put his name forward. During the meeting Roy talked about how he hated gay people, and how he didn't care about the ministry for magic. When he was done with his ranting and raving, Cornelious Fudge turned to Lucius.
"Is this guy fucking serious?" he asked.
"No," said Lucius. "I think he might be fucking Ginny though."
The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to woman is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
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RE: joke time
December 12, 2017 at 9:54 pm
True story:
I was once driving behind a dude who stopped at a crosswalk and got out of his car to help a little old lady across the street. I thought that was admirable for him but, the old lady kissed him.
I knew right then there that that old lady was just having a perv!
I now also stop to help little old ladies!
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