If you want to be a parent and cannot convince on your own why does it matter? Each person is different though, I wish their were more adoptions instead of having a child the natural way; over-population is a major issue and this can help solve our numbers problems. If a white family wants to adopt only a white child, good on them for adopting; if a mixed or conventional couple wants to adopt a child they should be able to get the respect they deserve for helping to solve a problem. It's your money, do what you want with it.

Surely. It’s not the people I’m thinking of. I’m wondering what that does to kids. To be clear, not because we are actively adopting this year, but because I plan to, and I got to thinking about it when I was perusing the “available” children in the area.

(February 7, 2018 at 11:14 pm)Shell B Wrote: Surely. It’s not the people I’m thinking of. I’m wondering what that does to kids. To be clear, not because we are actively adopting this year, but because I plan to, and I got to thinking about it when I was perusing the “available” children in the area.

Whatever struggle a child may (or may not) have from being adopted by different race parents, it still beats staying in the foster system. No question. I would go ahead and adopt whatever child is available and needs a home, and know that you are doing something amazing for that child regardless of their skin color.

In-tribe mentality, really. Perfectly understandable, anthropologically speaking.

That said, I personally am not opposed to adoption of children of different skin colors, ethnicities, etc. At the same time, adoptive parents aren't always the admirable parents that some people make them out to be.

(February 7, 2018 at 11:13 pm)Sterben Wrote: If you want to be a parent and cannot convince on your own why does it matter? Each person is different though, I wish their were more adoptions instead of having a child the natural way; over-population is a major issue and this can help solve our numbers problems. If a white family wants to adopt only a white child, good on them for adopting; if a mixed or conventional couple wants to adopt a child they should be able to get the respect they deserve for helping to solve a problem. It's your money, do what you want with it.

I agree. I’m just thinking about the consequences, if any.

For the record, I’ve never considered having my “own” children. Adoption has been the only thing I’ve even considered. I’m not even sure about that.

If I may ask, why don't you want your own? I'm just curious. I have a friend who wants to adopt because she is concerned about family genes and over population.

(February 7, 2018 at 11:18 pm)Grandizer Wrote: In-tribe mentality, really. Perfectly understandable, anthropologically speaking.

That said, I personally am not opposed to adoption of children of different skin colors, ethnicities, etc. At the same time, adoptive parents aren't always the admirable parents that some people make them out to be.

Yeah, parents are fallible no matter how they got to be that way.

---

(February 7, 2018 at 11:20 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: If I may ask, why don't you want your own? I'm just curious. I have a friend who wants to adopt because she is concerned about family genes and over population.

I just never have. I don’t like the idea of being pregnant. I don’t have an emotional attachment to my genetics being passed down. I raised my stepson for nearly a decade, and that cemented in me the idea that carrying a kid has nothing to do with anything.

(February 7, 2018 at 11:18 pm)Shell B Wrote:

(February 7, 2018 at 11:13 pm)Sterben Wrote: If you want to be a parent and cannot convince on your own why does it matter? Each person is different though, I wish their were more adoptions instead of having a child the natural way; over-population is a major issue and this can help solve our numbers problems. If a white family wants to adopt only a white child, good on them for adopting; if a mixed or conventional couple wants to adopt a child they should be able to get the respect they deserve for helping to solve a problem. It's your money, do what you want with it.

I agree. I’m just thinking about the consequences, if any.

For the record, I’ve never considered having my “own” children. Adoption has been the only thing I’ve even considered. I’m not even sure about that.

        I've never considered children nor will I ever, I live the life of a person that is really selfish so that would make me a bad parent.

(February 7, 2018 at 9:00 pm)vorlon13 Wrote:

(February 7, 2018 at 8:39 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Has anyone ever done a psychological study on the impact on the kids?

Considering my current sig line, I'm not sure that's a good idea . . . .

Since you mentioned it, would you like to create a thread about it? I’d been meaning to ask you about it because it seems sensationalist, but the rules prevent me from doing it (calling out).

(February 7, 2018 at 8:32 pm)Shell B Wrote: Sort of. That, and do those children sometimes have negative feelings about it later in life? Do these opinions affect them? Do they themselves resent not having more of their racial heritage in their lives? Do they not care and are just happy to have a loving family? I'm curious about all of these things.

In all honesty, it will depend on the child. Some children may be affected by the things said, some children may not be sensitive to it. Some of them may resent not having their racial heritage, some of them may not care about that. It will really depend on the individual kid.

I know that's not a very helpful answer but it really is a very individual thing. There will definitely be some children who are very affected, even psychologically scarred by that stuff, and there will definitely be some children who won't even bat an eyelid. And everything in-between.

I mean.... kind of like how kids react to being told, or finding out that Santa Claus isn't real. All 4 of my brothers and sisters didn't care. I however, got really mad and resented my parents for it. And still sometimes find it hard to shake those feelings now even know I know they're irrational at this point because my parents were just being normal parents. At the time I felt utterly betrayed and lied to and like I could never trust my parents ever again. My brothers and sisters didn't react like that at all.

So, similarly to how children react to things like that... I think it's a purely individual thing.

Just like adults, children are all different and they're all sensitive or not sensitive to different things.

So I guess the best bet is getting to know the kid a bit as some uncle-like or auntie-like figure before adopting them!

---

(February 7, 2018 at 11:18 pm)Shell B Wrote: For the record, I’ve never considered having my “own” children. Adoption has been the only thing I’ve even considered. I’m not even sure about that.

Me and my brother can relate. Both of us say we'd only ever have children if we were adopting. And we reached the same conclusions independently for the same reasons.

I have no idea what you reason is, but our reason is that we don't think it's a good thing per se to bring another life into this world... with what this world is like. But there are children out there who really need parents, and fostering them definitely is a good thing.