An exorcist walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What are you doing here?"
Exorcist, "Driving away the spirits."
The bartender asks, "What are you doing here?"
Exorcist, "Driving away the spirits."
joke time
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An exorcist walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What are you doing here?" Exorcist, "Driving away the spirits."
Nunburg, "Missen osseefeer Mueller, I'm not as think as you drunk I am. I can't say my C-B-A's. HEY that white chalk line is moving all over the blacktop."............ Next morning, " I need to lay off the Absinthe."
Quote:From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Quote:Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
From Sean Morey-
I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then, you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you’re too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party and you’re generally promiscuous. Then, you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then, you become a baby, and then… you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room service on tap, and then… You finish off as an orgasm!
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
I like to tell jokes to my students at work to ease their nerves. After an expertly executed joke about a cow, a ten year old little girl (the daughter of one of my students) approached me and this was our dialogue.
Girl: Why did the chicken cross the road? Me: I don't know why? Girl: To see the ugly guy. Me: *doesn't get it* ...... Ok Girl: Knock knock Me: Who's there? Girl: Its the chicken. Trolled pretty hard by a 10 year old.
In fond memory of Emma Chambers:
What's brown and sticky? Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
An atheist dies and goes to hell...
The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they come down here!" They continue walking through the nice park, flowers everywhere, and the devil shows the atheist a garage full of beautiful cars. "These are your cars now!" and hands the man all the car keys. Again, the atheist tries to thank the devil, but he only says "Everyone down here gets some cool cars! How would you drive around without having cars?". They walk on and the area gets even nicer. There are birds chirping, squirrels running around, kittens everywhere. They arrive at a fountain, where the most beautiful woman the atheist has ever seen sits on a bench. She looks at him and they instantly fall in love with each other. The man couldn´t be any happier. The devil says "Everyone gets to have their soulmate down here, we don´t want anyone to be lonely!" As they walk on, the atheist notices a high fence. He peeks to the other side and is totally shocked. There are people in pools of lava, screaming in pain, while little devils run around and stab them with their tridents. Other devils are skinning people alive, heads are spiked, and many more terrible things are happening. A stench of sulfur is in the air. Terrified, the man stumbles backwards, and asks the devil "What is going on there?" The devil just shrugs and says: "Those are the christians, I don´t know why, but they prefer it that way"
I think it is mean to call them "Meerkats". Exactly what is it Meerkats don't have that lions and tigers do have?
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