I could tell you another chemical joke but all the good ones, etc ........

Jamie liked his drink and no mistake.  His wife has finally had enough and tells him, 'By all the saints and martyrs, the next time you come home drunk, I'm leaving you.'

Jamie makes a mighty struggle, but eventually gives in and goes to the pub.  He gets so stinking drunk that he vomits all over himself and tells the barman, 'I can't be after going home in this wretched state. My Sarah says she'll leave me if I do.'

The barman, a kindly soul if ever there was one, puts a £20 note in Jamie's top pocket and says, 'When you get home, tell your wife that someone else threw up on you and gave you this money for the cleaning bill.'  Jamie thanks him with tearful gratitude and begins the long stagger home.

When he arrives, Sarah is at the door and on the boil.  Jamie holds up a hand to forestall the inevitable tirade and says, 'Before you say anything love, this isn't me fault. I stopped at the pub for a cup of tea and some vile drunk threw up all over me.  Look - he even gave me money for the cleaning,' at which point he triumphantly takes the £20 from his pocket and holds it up as evidence of his innocence. When he does, a second note flutters from his pocket to the ground.

'And why would you be having TWO £20 notes, then?' says the suspicious Sarah.

Jamie pauses for a moment, then brightens and says, 'Oh, that one's from the fella who shat in me pants.'

Boru

Had to break bad news to a patient's family today.

"Hands up all those who have a husband. Not so fast, widow Carrington!"

And another trip to the boss's office.

^
So much suffering to inflict, so little time! lol

PS, a brothel was fined today nearly 10k for being open and the staff and patrons were also fined $1,600 each for being involved in "non essential" acts!
Wonder if they were caught cuddling

(April 1, 2020 at 2:57 am)ignoramus Wrote: ^
So much suffering to inflict, so little time! lol

PS, a brothel was fined today nearly 10k for being open and the staff and patrons were also fined $1,600 each for being involved in "non essential" acts!
Wonder if they were caught cuddling

Essential "servicing".

Wonder if reducing severe swelling could be a medical condition. (but only sexy nurses need apply! Wouldn't want people to think they're prostitutes or anything!) lol

(April 1, 2020 at 5:57 am)ignoramus Wrote: Wonder if reducing severe swelling could be a medical condition.  (but only sexy nurses need apply!)

*shrug*  It comes and goes.  Or something like that - been afflicted with it for years.

Boru

Beccs is a doctor. She can fix it

mind you, she causes the problem as well.

Fair point.  I'm tired of self-medicating for this condition.  I think I need professional help.

Boru

I recently boiled a wombat in broth, along with potatoes, onions, celery and carrots.

After all, it’s a mar-soup-ial.

Boru