(March 27, 2021 at 5:03 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: James Bond walks into a bar and looks around, then sits at the bar next to a stunningly beautiful woman. While he’s nursing his martini, he checks his wristwatch several times. The woman notices and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’

‘No, nothing like that,’ Bond answers. ‘Q just issued me this watch. It’s very special and I’m testing it.’

‘Really?’ says the woman. ‘What’s so special about it?’

‘Well,’ 007 suaves, ‘it communicates with me telepathically.’

‘That’s amazing! What’s it telling you right now?’

Bond looks at the watch and says, ‘I hope this doesn’t embarrass you, but right now it’s telling me you’re not wearing panties.’

‘I hate to tell you this,’ she giggles, ‘but your watch must be broken - I assure you I am wearing panties.’

Bond taps the face of the watch, holds it so his ear and mutters, ‘Bloody thing’s running an hour fast.’

Boru

007 retired moved to America, but the following week he was arrested for DUI and posted Bond.

National Geographic has decided to get into the adult video streaming game, the proposed name for the new venture, "National Pornographic"

I heard that the ship blocking the Suez Canal has blocked so much useful stuff, they're going to rename it The McConnell.

Boru

(March 28, 2021 at 6:02 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I heard that the ship blocking the Suez Canal has blocked so much useful stuff, they're going to rename it The McConnell.

Boru

^^^^^^ This wins internet of the year.

I found two good ones today:

*****

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."

"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."


*****


A man with a large penis goes to the doctor because he has a very bad stuttering problem.

He says the to doctor “i i i I’ve g g g got a a a a p p p problem i can’t t t t talk in f f f full S S S sentences.”

The doctor says “well maybe you just have a bad stutter but we will run some tests on you to make sure.”

So they run tests and find out all the blood that should be going to his brain is going to his large penis instead and that’s why he stutters.

They inform him they will have to remove over half of his penis for him to talk properly and it’s a safe procedure plus his penis will still be average.

The man says “S s s sounds g g g good to m m me.”

So they remove over half of his penis successfully and after recovery he is speaking just fine with no stuttering.

After a month the man returns to the doctor and says “Doc I want the rest of my penis put back on I. Since the surgery haven’t felt confident, girls think it looks weird and I want it back.”

The doctor replies “G g g go f f fuck y y y yourself.”

You know why Rickrolls won't die out? Because we're never gonna give him up.

Boru

I've had it up to HERE with people who complain about the price of things. Tired of people bitching about $3.00 for a cup of coffee, $5.00 for coat check, $6.00/hour for parking. Either suck it up and pay what things are worth, or stop coming to my house.

Boru

Doctor: Your body is completely depleted of magnesium.

Me: 0Mg.

Boru

The Ever Given has finally been unstsuck. It always takes a Democrat to undo GOP fuck ups.

(March 30, 2021 at 12:43 pm)Brian37 Wrote: The Ever Given has finally been unstsuck. It always takes a Democrat to undo GOP fuck ups.

Whut?

Boru