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Quote:After his parents' divorce, Evan Goldman moves from NYC to small-town Indiana. As his 13th birthday nears, he must master the complex social circles of his new school and win friends by turning his Bar Mitzvah into the coolest party ever.
"Never trust a fox. Looks like a dog, behaves like a cat."
~ Erin Hunter
I am watching "Hunchback of Notre Dame Disney" movie. But sadly the DVD i bought didnt have french audio but luckily Disney plus has it. Since i want to experience in how the setting is like in this timeline
This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Leonard Part 6, a movie notorious for being one that Bill Cosby (despite his starring in it, producing it, and co-writing the story) promoted by endlessly slagging it off. Let it be known that, even before he turned out to be a sex offender of Biblical proportions, I never particularly cared for his wholesome brand of comedy. And I'm going to try and leave the 60+ accusers out of this as much as possible, but there's one point where I'm going to let loose, and I'll leave that part for the end, and even that will largely be a review for a much better movie.
Why the fuck does it look like a child did the credits for this spy movie?
How the fuck is that ostrich flying?
Don't you just love it when they make a multi-part franchise and only let you watch it.
"Eyes only?"
It's Man Ray. Marcel Duchamp, Luis Bunuel, and Salvador Dali are presumably on other bases.
That's supposed to be a rainbow trout?
Since when is olive oil that clear?
Undercover cook? Why the fuck does there need to be a
Spoiler alert: the villain is basically an expy of Ayesha from H. Rider Haggard's novel She. Why anyone thought the jungle opera and James Bond parody were two tastes that went great together is beyond me.
Parapsychotic?
Leonard only gives a shit about maybe getting his ex-wife back. Our hero!
Oh, look, his daughter, who looks quite a bit like Lisa Bonet, is going steady with 66-year-old man. I think this is a reference to the controversy over Angel Heart. Go to the bottom and unhide the hide section to hear my thoughts about it.
Gribbit? That's not how you transliterate a frog's croak. Also, I'm not sure if having a shitload of frogs leaping under a car and making it all go Chappaquiddick is as funny as the cars randomly dancing to the worst cover of a Brill Building hit I'd ever heard in Son of the Mask?
I am not touching Leonard's "affair" with a 19-year-old girl with a ten-meter pole.
And of course, even when his bosses are going as far as hacking into his Jane Fonda workout tape to give him security briefings, he only gives a shit about making it with his ex-wife.
Is it weird that I can't see a black man of a certain age wearing a Panama hat without thinking he might be a member of the Buena Vista Social Club?
I'm sorry, I don't speak Albanian, can we at least know why that fortune teller is touching his face?
Did you at least break those ballerina shoes in? '
Also, this is why I prefer women to be barefoot rather than wearing uncomfortable shoes. I suspect that Isidora Duncan didn't have to deal with shit like that once she stopped going en pointe in those slippers and started going barefoot with more natural movements.
Yep, I'm going to count The Charge of the Light Brigade as a better movie that this movie's referencing.
That's not how you conjugate "Amo."
Also, by an extraordinary coincidence, Ravinia's doing the 1812 Overture tonight, except this time, the cannons have been replaced with 40 drummers for reasons that should be obvious to anyone who knows the Highland Park area. I'm not going because I've decided I'm only going to bother going to see their Tchaikovsky concerts again when they put "Capriccio Italien" on the bill.
Ocelots (obligate carnivores) raising humans as vegetarians?
So, Leonard's anaesthetising himself at a specific level so he can assist in his own surgery. I don't know if I should reference Thack's fatal self-surgery in the series finale of The Knick or the constant low-level alcoholic buzz maintained in Another Round
And is there a reason he's not letting his daughter know he's performing surgery on himself?
Yep, that scene where she's randomly stripping is an obvious reference to Angel Heart. If you didn't look at the hide section before, do so now to hear me rant.
I've seen several movies with killer rabbits (yes, there are killer rabbit movies besides Holy Grail) and this is easily the least intimidating one.
Not-Ayesha went so far as to involve Leonard's wife (the only thing he seems to give a shit about) when she could have just stolen the sphere and not involved the only person who could stop him?
He's not a college graduate because he didn't know about a Molybdenum catalyst? Dude, I didn't know shit about Molybdenum until long after I graduated college, and even then, it's mostly because of an early Direct Box that used a molybdenum transformer and an article about a milk-and-potato diet that contains
So, can animals just understand English, let alone understand about the systems of oppression they've lived under for millennia?
1) Why does that stick of butter have sparkles on it, 2) that's not melted butter, it's softened butter. If it was melted, it wouldn't even be in a stick form. I should know, I've tried.
You know, I love fucking with vegetarians as much as the next guy, but somehow, I don't think sticking a raw beef patty on them will cause those kind of burns.
Also, fucking wow. Scanners had a legendary head explosion scene, but this movie has one where his head is apparently full of sawdust.
And they didn't explain how that ostrich's wings could actually work.
Did they actually explain what that red and turquoise liquid actually was in a scene I missed?
You know, the sad thing is that closing song is actually fairly decent. And, of course, Tubi cut that off.
Angel Heart is a great movie. It's a unique mix of Religious Horror, Southern Gothic, and Film Noir in an ultraviolent package. It's a film so great that your friend and humble reviewer even went as far as preordering the 4K Blu-Ray release, even though I don't even have a 4K player. I bring this up because there was one big controversy: one of the most prominent female leads was played by Lisa Bonet, fresh off the success of The Cosby Show. She even had a sex scene that started off as steamy, but eventually got disturbing. It even ended up with... remember the threat Scorsese's character made in his cameo in Taxi Driver? That ends up happening. Why am I bringing it up here? Because Bill Cosby made a huge stink about it. He got her fired from The Cosby Show because she had the gall to appear topless in the movie, having sex with Mickey Rourke, a man who was old enough to potentially be her father (and there's more to that if you actually watch Angel Heart). And given that the daughter in this movie looks a lot like Lisa Bonet, and I can even remember her wearing a similar outfit in the interviews on the DVD to the daughter in this movie. In an ordinary case, this sort of jab at a much better movie would just be petty, and something that I'd just devote a sentence or two to. Meanwhile, in the real world, while Bill Cosby was trying to put himself on such a high moral pedestal, in the two-year period before this movie was released, he committed (as far as we know) two rapes, two sexual assaults, and attempted two more assaults that failed because the women fled. And his complaining about her shacking up with a man of 66 is especially hypocritical given that, when he was around that age, he was raping Andrea Costand, Granted, Costand wasn't 19, but at least two of his accusers (in 1986 alone) mentioned he groomed them until he assaulted them when they turned 18. And, you know what, say what you will about the age gap between, say, Lisa Bonet and Mickey Rourke, at least she consented to it. I can't remember finding any evidence that Alan Parker pushed her into doing anything she didn't want to do, even 35 years later.
Next week, Monster, the Asylum's ripoff of Cloverfield, and, for Sting-related reasons, I'll be covering that Saturday instead of Sunday.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
This week in the Deep Hurting Project, Monster, The Asylum's answer to Cloverfield.
Fortunately, it doesn't look like they're using real footage of a deadly Japanese earthquake.
Come on, I wanted to see if that girl who was filming her shoes was going to take them off. Wait, they're filming in front of a mirror, it's a found footage movie, and why the fuck can't I see who's operating the camera?
Push in? You mean zoom in?
So, why are they in Japan if they're trying to investigate global warming? They're based out of LA, so you'd think there'd be something there. Like some sign that LA's becoming an even bigger heat sink than usual, or a climatologist from Berkley or Stanford or Palo Alto.
Goddammit, they're using the found footage conceit as an excuse to be lazier with their camera and sound, aren't they?
So that's why they're there? The Kyoto Protocol? The United Nations-created treaty that just happened to be adopted in Kyoto?
You don't know what you mean when you say it's not safe in the city? Even though you just had to deal with an earthquake.
What the fuck was that glitch-out? And why is everything stopping and starting at seemingly random intervals? And why is everything interlaced to shit even when it's acting normally? And, yes, I checked to make sure it's not just my internet connection or Tubi acting up.
Just give me the camera. Don't pan down to my shoes. I'm going closed-toed, and there's fuck all in the way of lighting.
Remember when the makers of Rollerball decided to be daring by shooting a random scene in night vision for no fucking reason? In some scenes, it's either either malfunctioning to the point where you don't know what you're looking at, shooting in such a low resolution that you know every pixel by its name, randomly shutting off entirely, and even when the camera is behaving itself, it's shaky to the point where you have no idea what you're looking at. I've even given up on FaceTime or Zoom calls with less debilitating glitches.
Oh, look a squid tentacle. I wonder if we're actually going to see more of that beast.
It's legit amazing. This movie's pacing is nonexistent, it was rushed so it could be out a week before Cloverfield could come out in theaters, and it's still longer than Cloverfield.
You've never seen a dead man before? I don't know if I should ask how these ladies lived such sheltered lives that they'd never been to a funeral or point out that, due to the shit camerawork, we didn't get to see a dead man, either.
You need to get it on YouTube? Wasn't this movie set in 2003?
Oh, Shinjuku Gyoen (or Shinjuku Goyen aka Japanese Garden), I wonder if, in some shelter in the garden, this was going to happen today:
Big buildings on fire, and why is this not giving off 9/11 vibes? In universe, this takes place less than 18 months after 9/11.
So, the creature wreaking havoc on the city is a mizuchi. Basically a water spirit that usually takes on the form of a dragon. If you've seen Spirited Away, think Haku. And apparently, it's supposed to come out when the water is dead, even though I don't think that's how Shinto works. At least, that's not how it worked in Spirited Away, where Haku was stuck in the spirit realm because the Kohaku River was filled in years ago. Also, what I've been able to find about mizuchi doesn't confirm that it would have an octopus tentacle.
Soybeans are popular in Japan? Nobody tell the alt-right! They might find some reason to go apeshit about how the anime they like are made by men feminised by soybeans, even though soy doesn't work that way.
Okay, looking up the climate in TOkyo in January, it's usually less than 50 Fahrenheit (10 Centigrade), so why are these women okay with tossing as many layers as that in this weather?
So, next week is up in the air. I have a concert to go to both days of this next weekend (one music of the Baroque on Saturday, and Diana Ross on Sunday). And while I'm thinking I'll watch Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, given that this is the last week of the month, I can easily imagine that there might be another, more interesting film to come to streaming, or that that film might leave HBO Max.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
This week in the Deep Hurting Project is going to come early, due to my having Ravinia concerts on Saturday (music of the Baroque) and Sunday (Diana Ross). And now, it's going to be Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. It's one of only a few Sci-Fi/Fantasy movies left in the project available on streaming, and managed to come on Tubi just yesterday. I took advantage and watched the first one, and it's pretty much the Citizen Kane of video game movies (pre-Detective Pikachu, anyway), and that mostly means that it's slightly below average, what with film directors young enough to get into video games only just recently getting old enough to break into the film industry, and maybe that video game plots have only recently started to develop that transfer well to film. And, despite this, Mortal Kombat is just fine as a movie, but as an adaptation, it's great enough that it apparently influenced the canon of the games, and it was given a sequel that dropped the ball so badly it made it to the Deep Hurting Project.
They just recycled the opening for the first movie for its sequel? Seriously? They're that lazy?
Mortal Kombat isn't about death, but life. You know, if I hadn't seen the first movie, I'd be calling bullshit.
Huh. Johnny Cage died within the first five minutes.
Fucking Hell, Shao Khan is a Young-Earth Creationist.
So, their victory in the first movie meant nothing.
That line just becomes more and more ridiculous even in context. Also, how the fuck is she her mother?
Wow, Raiden sounds nothing like Christopher Lambert.
They travel through an underground passage by zorbing in a giant steel ball that seems to be powered by two people fucking.
You got to love the fact that Sonya sees Jax strapped to an operating table with robot limbs and the first question she has is "What have you gotten yourself into this time?"
"Your Animality, Your Animality, Your Animality," doesn't have the same sort of ring to it that "With Endless Options For Renewal! With Endless Options For Renewal! With Endless Options for Renewal!" has.
You don't understand all that talk about dimensional merges? Wait until Chris-chan latches onto the idea of a dimensional merge.
So, Raiden losing his immortality makes him look more like Johnny Lawrence in Cobra Kai?
They added 50% to the budget, but they somehow managed to make the special effects worse. You can tell what scenes were shot in front of a green screen because everyone has a noticable aura, and the most convincing special effects are still at a Harryhausen-level artificiality.
Those cybernetic arms are his weakness and not his strength? Okay, that makes sense. I can remember that arc from Archer where Gilette uses his leg
How many new characters from the previous games are they just going to randomly introduce?
I can;t take much more of this? Neither can I, honestly. This movie's giving me little to work with, and I suspect that if I were familiar with the rest of the franchise, things might be easier. But I don't do video games, and while I know some of the most basic trappings of the franchise, my expertise isn't much broader than that. Not even foot porn of a character who doesn't even appear in this movie like I have for Street Fighter.
You know what, with this wolf vs. hydra fight, this isn't even at Harryhausen levels of artifice. Harryhausen's stop motion took time. This is almost at VRChat levels.
Why the fuck is he randomly flashing back to the World Trade Center being alive?
What's up with that? Raiden's back to being immortal and apparently he's revived by a pillar of fire and the chrome people from a 1990s Capri Sun ad.
Next week, I don't know what's going to happen. I might do The Avengers 1998 (if I can get the VPN to connect to Japanese Netflix) between today and Sunday, and I'm thinking that the next comedy I do will be Surf School, since it's apparently leaving Tubi soon. Don't know when, but Tubi says it's leaving soon.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I resisted watching this for a long time, chiefly because 3 hours and 49 minutes struck me as hard to sit through. But, it’s often touted as one of the all time great gangster films, so I thought I’d see what I’d been missing.
Made it to about 45 minutes. What a dreary, uninteresting mess.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
but luckily Disney plus has it. Since i want to experience in how the setting is like in this timeline
![[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/yxR97P23/harmlesskitchen.png)
