(December 2, 2012 at 4:23 am)Gilgamesh Wrote: That sounds like social anxiety and not OCD?

It's not. Thanks for the internet diagnosis, though.

(December 2, 2012 at 11:16 am)Shell B Wrote:

(December 2, 2012 at 4:23 am)Gilgamesh Wrote: That sounds like social anxiety and not OCD?

It's not. Thanks for the internet diagnosis, though.

Dr. Spaceman agrees

Identify it? Hell, I doubt if I could spell it.

For the record, in case anyone runs across this in a random internet search, that sort of behavior is fucking annoying even if the person only has mild social issues (like my boyfriend and I - we fucking can't stand crowds or crowded situations, and a trip to Wal-Mart during Christmas season warrants a two hour nap and hidey-hole time afterwards). Doing it when someone has full blown conditions is beyond asinine.

I've had plenty of friends try to force me out of the house or to do things because they didn't want to be alone or wanted a specific sort of entertainment. With a few exceptions, humans aren't trained monkeys. Trying to convince people go to into situations they don't like just because you are bored or have "aloneness" hangups is selfish.

And you're not a therapist, either - you don't have to teach these people how to handle those situations or try to "expose them to new things" in the hopes that they'll like it. You're not doing it to help them - you're doing it to help you. So bugger the fuck off.

I know the feeling. I want to be left the hell alone. I am not good with people. When I MUST go out in public, or when I must work, I put on my mask and I power through the day, but it strains me after the normal eight hour shift to the point where the mask starts cracking and I come out, and I am not someone you want to socialize with. "But, Creed, you go out to nightclubs, you say, isn't THAT socializing?" No, it's hiding in plain sight, being alone in a crowd. I specifically avoid bars because they are not that; they are open invitations. Nightclubs, everything is anonymous, nobody cares who you are. I do not have to interact with people, they simply become environmental. But interacting with people? I don't do so good at that naturally. I had to learn, literally study, how to interact with people in order to be a somewhat functional individual of society.

I don't mean to say I am one of those weirdos talking to themselves on the street or making random hand gestures. I simply do NOT interact. I blank. I have nothing for other people.

And then of course everyone wants to tell me how I'm doing it wrong. "It's not healthy to be like this," some of more dimwitted ninnypoops I know say. Fuck you it's not healthy for me to interact with people don't fucking tell me what isn't fucking healthy.

So yeah. Take this as a "I get where you're coming from." Different symptoms, different reactions, same aversion to socializing.

Even when I am out on public, I must remain as invisible as possible. I'm sure others here know what I'm talking about.

(December 2, 2012 at 11:16 am)Shell B Wrote: It's not. Thanks for the internet diagnosis, though.

No. I know better than you.

Quote:And you're not a therapist, either - you don't have to teach these people how to handle those situations or try to "expose them to new things" in the hopes that they'll like it. You're not doing it to help them - you're doing it to help you. So bugger the fuck off

I think that many people fail to realize that what they want might not be what other people want. You can't decide what's best for someone else. You have to respect what others want, and understand that world doesn't revolve around you and your desires.

I'm a really outgoing person, and I suffer from "loneliness hangups" from time to time, so I might have been guilty of pestering a few friends, but I also try to understand what my friends and acquaintancies want. A no is a no, and deserves respect.

(December 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm)Kirbmarc Wrote:

Quote:And you're not a therapist, either - you don't have to teach these people how to handle those situations or try to "expose them to new things" in the hopes that they'll like it. You're not doing it to help them - you're doing it to help you. So bugger the fuck off

I think that many people fail to realize that what they want might not be what other people want. You can't decide what's best for someone else. You have to respect what others want, and understand that world doesn't revolve around you and your desires.

I'm a really outgoing person, and I suffer from "loneliness hangups" from time to time, so I might have been guilty of pestering a few friends, but I also try to understand what my friends and acquaintancies want. A no is a no, and deserves respect.

I totally get that, and I get that some of my friends are extroverts who really get off on dealing with crowds and talking to lots of people and just being in that sort of environment. I can do that if I need to, but it takes a LOT of energy. It's taken until now, at 27, to understand my limits and learn how not to fall prey to peer pressure. Now I know when to leave a party or event before I snap from the strangers around me, or the whirl of people. It's a piece of luck that David is just like me and you frequently find us setting up a little "fort" in a corner where we can back away.

We don't want to be drawn out onto the dance floor, and we don't want to be encouraged to stay or told that we're being rude if we leave, even though we understand our friends enjoy our company. We're just avoiding getting to a point where one of us actually IS rude, or where it becomes so much that I have a melt-down. He actually has a hearing condition from a busted ear drum that makes loud places painful after a while. Me, it eventually tuns into sensory overload. These sorts of things take time to explain and are a pain in the ass to have to do so at EVERY gathering where new people might be there.

My point by those examples, and Shell's much more serious explanation, is that not everyone is going to manifest external signs of a problem until it becomes too late, and if they're old enough to have learned where their line is and they start to leave before it's breached, you shouldn't be an ass about it. ("You" in general, not anyone specific)

My mother used to complain that I acted like a shut-in, until I finally explained to her that having a stranger touch me makes me feel physically ill - even if it's just a hair-dresser, and I used to balk at calling strangers. That's gone away thanks to working as a secretary for the past 10 years. The touch thing hasn't. I'm not a shut-in though, I just prefer to be alone in the woods or doing my own thing without the crush of people around me. I actually like studying or reading in a restaurant with all the white noise - I just have to have my own little corner.

I know a lot of people, girls especially, who find this sort of behavior odd. Of course, that's coming from the gender that seems incapable of even peeing by themselves.

But I found my own solutions, and I still try to get out to interact with other people as much as possible - preferably in small groups. Shell has her ways of dealing with it. No one should harass an introvert or act like it's a bad thing. It's just different. Here in America we just seem to have an issue with treating anything "passive" or "quiet" like it's somehow bad. We always have to be brasher and louder and stronger here. That's bullshit.

(December 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm)Gilgamesh Wrote:

(December 2, 2012 at 11:16 am)Shell B Wrote: It's not. Thanks for the internet diagnosis, though.

No. I know better than you.

You're joking, right? I have to assume you're joking.