I was bedbound, and homebound. When I did go to church (wearing a germ mask and oxygen), I was told that the doctors were just playing god, that I could already be healed for all I know but I can't know because of the medicines taking my body down. So I quit them. I got anointed on the forehead with holy oil, I prayed and begged god every day. For six months. Then I almost died again, only this time I knew it. Knowing you're about to die is the biggest kick in the face out there, for sure.

I was one of those people for whom life had always been cruel and unfair. But still in the face of every single part of ones life falling apart or being ripped apart: I praised god. In my heart. I was a goddamn walking effigy. And he was no where.

Thank you, btw. It's always a kind person to say you're sorry life happened even though it wasn't your fault life is the way it is.

Did you leave Christianity because of this experience?

uh oh. I know where this is going.

No, I waited an additional 4yrs for answers to my prayers. I can't point to a specific date that it happened, I just gave up believing in him.

Well I am glad you feel better and are over all that stuff.

I'm still on the immunosuppressant pills and iv therapy, will be for life as things are right now. My kidneys lost a little function, my sinus and ears were affected from the tissue dying so my ear rings like a train and my rt sinus collapsed, I have PTSD now not just from past experiences but from medical experiences, scars here and there from the ports in my skin, and at any moment cancer can hit from the medicines I've been on. I also gained my entire body weight on the steroids they shoved into me, so I'm a new person.

Still, I've never been happier in my entire life. I am still a good person, my life is still ruled by love. I just love myself, too. My self worth is within myself, not in my identity of being god's child, not in how good or bad I'm doing at being his servant. And this has allowed others to love me and get closer to me. I'm getting married next Christmas, never thought that would happen.. And this man loves me despite all of the above, without a second thought he does. And he doesn't do it because god told him that's how he should, he's just a decent human being sans god.

I can see you are a beautiful person inside and out. I'm sorry you have been through all of that and glad you are as strong as you are. Good for you!

Wow, luckie... I'm glad you made it through all of that. I've had my own serious health issues over the last several years, but nothing like that. I can't imagine the personal strength it would take to get through that.

I don't know how you feel about it, but after facing my own mortality (twice now), life is so much more precious to me.

Thanks Jrsm, I can tell you're a beautiful person too.

Cthulhu, did you ever figure out where the home-state of Coors is?

As for life being precious: Every single moment is now When I was a believer I felt like I was waiting out my time on earth, and on my especially dramatic or tragic days I would sing "in the arms of the angels" and,
"I'm coming home, I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home. Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday. Where my kingdom awaits. I've been forgiven my mistakes, I'm coming home. I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming.....home."

God, was that depressing
You know my life outlook has gotten so much better not believing that there's some god above allowing every single hit through to me for some unknown reason that I wont find out until I'm dead? It's not much of a consolation (when you're dying) that there's a massive fortune of treasure I'm building up at the end of the tunnel. Nor is it consolation to go to heaven knowing those you love will be left without you, and that some of them may not ever reach heaven. In the end what lost my faith, I think, was all those who wouldn't make it to heaven but didn't deserve hell.
I'm totally fine with living here, now, making every moment I have with those I love count.

(March 24, 2013 at 10:48 pm)jstrodel Wrote: God doesn't want people to goto hell, God wants people to be God's spirit friends.

But then you tell over and over again that people will go to hell. Figure that.

(March 24, 2013 at 11:27 pm)jstrodel Wrote: Did you sanctify yourself and live for the glory of God? Did you have sin in your life? God reveals Himself to people that really sanctify themselves.

Bah, you're not sanctified, you're sanctimonious!