(April 1, 2013 at 6:04 pm)MysticKnight Wrote:

(April 1, 2013 at 6:00 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: You have not yet lived.

I definitely haven't....I am also a v****n.

So definitely haven't lived yet.

Not saving it for marriage, I hope? Because that is just poor strategy.

(April 1, 2013 at 6:08 pm)futilethewinds Wrote:

(April 1, 2013 at 6:04 pm)MysticKnight Wrote: I definitely haven't....I am also a v****n.

So definitely haven't lived yet.

Not saving it for marriage, I hope? Because that is just poor strategy.

Well that was the plan before. I don't know if it's right or wrong to do it before marriage...but the truth is I haven't gotten into a relationship after deconversion yet and so it's not like I'm stopping my desires (I'll have to decide that once I get into a relationship). I want to get into a relationship. I've asked one person out this whole time, and ends up, due to me being a member of an organization and she being an employee of that organization, we can't be "friends" (or more then that). So that was that.

Not that I'm telling you what to do, because that's entirely up to what you feel is right, but I just want to give you a piece of perspective:

Sex is usually pretty important in relationships, and if you're not getting what you want sexually it can fuck up more than just bedroom sports. I'm not talking about animal desires only - to me sex is a very deep way of establishing intimacy and bonding...even if you're just having sex with a friend-with-benefits.

As such, "saving for marriage" is a crapshoot. You don't know if you're going to like what that person does or not.

Not saying that things can't change if you're both honest and willing to work on it. And not saying a relationship can't work if some large component is missing. But it's a big factor most of the time. More than a lot of people who were formerly or are still religious realize.

Another take on the same scenario, if the salesman ain't letting you take a test drive - it's a fair bet there's sawdust in the gearbox....

(April 1, 2013 at 7:19 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote: Not that I'm telling you what to do, because that's entirely up to what you feel is right, but I just want to give you a piece of perspective:

Sex is usually pretty important in relationships, and if you're not getting what you want sexually it can fuck up more than just bedroom sports. I'm not talking about animal desires only - to me sex is a very deep way of establishing intimacy and bonding...even if you're just having sex with a friend-with-benefits.

As such, "saving for marriage" is a crapshoot. You don't know if you're going to like what that person does or not.

Not saying that things can't change if you're both honest and willing to work on it. And not saying a relationship can't work if some large component is missing. But it's a big factor most of the time. More than a lot of people who were formerly or are still religious realize.

Thanks for the perspective.

LOL I love you, Irish.

(March 29, 2013 at 11:53 am)frz Wrote: I know a black guy who's a republican-atheist.

He must be real popular at party caucuses?

Also, you might want to ask yourself why you're saving yourself. Because religion? Horrible idea, in most of our opinions. If god isn't real, there's no point in following his strictures. Because you want to save an intimate act for someone you want to be intimate with? Best not wait for marriage for that. For one, being serious enough for marriage or lasting relationships doesn't require the rigamorole that is a marriage ceremony - either you're going to stick it out or you're not. Divorce is too easy in this day and age, and then you gave your virginity away to someone you didn't stay with anyway.

Lose it to someone you care about and who cares about you, even if you don't stay together in the long run. No one's first time is all hearts and flowers and country music (thank fuck).

Also, get on the sex portion of reddit. Read people's stories. David was howling with laughter the other night over some of them, because he learned them the hard way when he was younger and they were very very true. People on there give great advice.

LOL, what would the point be even if "he" were real? I think back on my bumbling ass - first discovering sex. I'd never wish that on my wife..lol, or anyone.

If he was actually going to smite you for doing it doggy style, I could understand doing missionary.