I tend to isolate when I'm having a bad day. It's not a good thing, but it's hard to resist.

(May 26, 2015 at 1:12 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: Sharing the despair with a friend with the goal of pulling them in to it

i like your advice lol

Need hugs  HUGS!!

I think the best thing to do,and I often have blah, bad or depressed days, is to smile your way out of it. I know it sounds trite, but make yourself smile even if you don't feel like smiling.  Psychologists say that pretending to be happy actually can make you happy.  Its like the mask becomes you after a bit.

I was skeptical of this when I read it, but I swear it can work, or at least help.

Also, if you have the free time, put on music or a movie that generally makes you feel good.  Tell yourself, I'm having a GOOD day, say it 10 times. Take a deep breath, and then focus on something positive.  If there is a specific thing bumming you out, and you cannot resolve it to cheer you up, distract youself with other things. Don't let yourself think about it.

This may sound silly, but I read an old Chinese story that has stuck with me, and I remind myself of it whenever I get that blah or down feeling.

A man is being chased by a tiger, and ahead of him is a cliff.  When he reaches the cliff, he sees a rope, and begins to climb down.  Halfway down, he looks below him and sees another tiger waiting for him.  He looks back up and sees not only the first tiger still up there, but 2 mice are nibbling his rope!  He looks around him, and sees on the cliffside is growing a little strawberry plant, and on it is the most perfect, ripe strawberry.  He lets go of the rope with one hand, and swings over and grabs the strawberry and eats it.  It is wonderful, and he savors the deliciousness of it.

In this story, the tiger at the top represents the past (or the things that is bumming you out), the tiger at the bottom represents death, the rope is your life, and the mice are inevitability.  The strawberry is NOW.  The moral is, don't focus on the tigers or the mice, enjoy the strawberry.

It may sound trite, but I told this story to my daughter when she was upset about something, and now whenever I get upset, she says to me "mom, remember the strawberry", and I laugh a little, and it helps.

Anyway...I hope you feel better...and think of the strawberry! !hugs~

(May 26, 2015 at 1:26 pm)Aroura Wrote: Need hugs  HUGS!!

This here lady knows what's up

(May 26, 2015 at 1:25 pm)Jörmungandr Wrote: I tend to isolate when I'm having a bad day.  It's not a good thing, but it's hard to resist.

i spend most of my time alone too,i had a lot of friends but i lost contact with most of them,don't have many people to talk to these days

---

(May 26, 2015 at 1:26 pm)Aroura Wrote: Need hugs  HUGS!!

I think the best thing to do,and I often have blah, bad or depressed days, is to smile your way out of it. I know it sounds trite, but make yourself smile even if you don't feel like smiling.  Psychologists say that pretending to be happy actually can make you happy.  Its like the mask becomes you after a bit.

I was skeptical of this when I read it, but I swear it can work, or at least help.

Also, if you have the free time, put on music or a movie that generally makes you feel good.  Tell yourself, I'm having a GOOD day, say it 10 times. Take a deep breath, and then focus on something positive.  If there is a specific thing bumming you out, and you cannot resolve it to cheer you up, distract youself with other things. Don't let yourself think about it.

This may sound silly, but I read an old Chinese story that has stuck with me, and I remind myself of it whenever I get that blah or down feeling.

A man is being chased by a tiger, and ahead of him is a cliff.  When he reaches the cliff, he sees a rope, and begins to climb down.  Halfway down, he looks below him and sees another tiger waiting for him.  He looks back up and sees not only the first tiger still up there, but 2 mice are nibbling his rope!  He looks around him, and sees on the cliffside is growing a little strawberry plant, and on it is the most perfect, ripe strawberry.  He lets go of the rope with one hand, and swings over and grabs the strawberry and eats it.  It is wonderful, and he savors the deliciousness of it.

In this story, the tiger at the top represents the past (or the things that is bumming you out), the tiger at the bottom represents death, the rope is your life, and the mice are inevitability.  The strawberry is NOW.  The moral is, don't focus on the tigers or the mice, enjoy the strawberry.

It may sound trite, but I told this story to my daughter when she was upset about something, and now whenever I get upset, she says to me "mom, remember the strawberry", and I laugh a little, and it helps.

Anyway...I hope you feel better...and think of the strawberry! !hugs~

thanks,your story made me laugh lol you don't see tigers climbing down hills everyday thanks for the advice

---

(May 26, 2015 at 1:10 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote: Sex (Obviously of the BDSM variety). One of the reasons I like it is because it puts me in a different mental state for a little while, so that when I come back to the "real world" I have a little perspective. It helps weeds out some stupid stuff.

Running. I use a the Zombies, Run! 5k trainer. The story keeps my brain going, and I keep the background music poppy and peppy.

Take on a smallish task that you know you can accomplish. Maybe take on a couple of them. Getting them finished is a weird placebo for feeling like you can fix other shit in your life.

Singing (in private) to favorite music.

Playing with the dog.

I don't have a partner to have a sex with :p I sing a lot in private and sometimes in public i don't care if anyone's watching,i will try to take on a smallish task but well its hard i always go for the tougher tasks and i fail badly in them,i feel like a big loser and i am a loser so far in life

I find laughter is one of the best ways to make myself feel a bit better.

Also, if there is a way you can help others, this can be a great way to feel positive. I'm speaking as a severely depressed person who died inside years ago and is dragging himself through life reluctantly. It can sometimes be the only way I can feel any better. It could be through voluntary work, helping friends or family... anything like that. Helping others has a way of shifting the focus off yourself.

Depends on the sitch. Sometimes just reminding myself that tomorrow will come soon, with its blank slate. Sometimes picking the right music to listen to. Sometimes meditation.

(May 26, 2015 at 1:25 pm)Twisted Wrote:

(May 26, 2015 at 1:12 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: Sharing the despair with a friend with the goal of pulling them in to it

i like your advice lol

If your vorlon ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy.

(May 26, 2015 at 1:30 pm)Twisted Wrote: I don't have a partner to have a sex with :p I sing a lot in private and sometimes in public i don't care if anyone's watching,i will try to take on a smallish task but well its hard i always go for the tougher tasks and i fail badly in them,i feel like a big loser and i am a loser so far in life

First order of business is to realize that even if you feel like you've failed so far, that doesn't mean you'll always fail.

Second is to understand that if you recognize that you pick up big tasks and don't handle them well, then you're halfway to solving the problem.

Without knowing the specifics of your life, here's something that helps me:

I take a piece of paper and divide it into 2 or 3 long sections and title them, " Tolerations," "Next Step," and "Time to Solve".

The Tolerations heading is where I list all the things about my life that are irritating me that I haven't fixed because of procrastination or because I'm just "tolerating" the hardship.

The "Next Step" heading is where I list next to each toleration what the next step in fixing it will be.

In the "Time to Solve" heading, I list how long I estimate each thing to take.

Now you have a more comprehensive to-do list. You can further sub-divide it out by taking another piece of paper and writing about the parts involved in each toleration.

This sounds incredibly silly, but what was even sillier to me was to find out how many things I was tolerating that really only took 5 minutes to fix. And crossing things off the list with a fat highlighter was really satisfying. Plus, when you have a plan, you get distracted less easily.

So say you want to tackle a huge(ish) project like cleaning out a closet. Instead of getting lost in the morass, you could survey the closet and write out a plan. List ALL of the things you'll need to get the job done so that you don't leave it half-finished (like "bags for donations", and "boxes to put stuff in" and "packing tape"). Then gather some granola bars, some water, and all your supplies in a neat area and start. Keep the list next to you when you start the project so that if you do run across a supply you need but don't have, you can quickly write it down and get it SOON.

This is how I tackle big baking projects: list, then write out a plan for when things will be baking during the day (some cakes or cookies bake at the same temp, so you can double up!) then set all the measured ingredients out BEFORE I start so that I can make sure I have everything I need. I keep white boards around the house or chalkboards so I can easily write down shopping lists.

I'm finding that this method works well for life: I can create a plan for school, or my local atheist group, etc. Even if nothing gets done immediately, the plan is there, and we determine what factors we're waiting on or what the next step will be. It's very helpful, and makes for a much less stressful time.

Sushi and frozen yogurt