Speculate on Jesus 3 days of HELLISH torment !!!

[Longhorn]

Maybe someone should just ask him? Why are we guessing when we have Christians all over the shop?

Ask the pope, he's on the hotline with god 24/7 gossiping and talking about boys and all that

[orangebox21]

Did Christ go to hell?

Didn't Jesus go to the Western Hemisphere during that time to convert the natives?  It's in a book so it must be true, right?

If it is written in books of official Mormon doctrine then it would be an accurate representation of the teachings of Mormonism.

Did you read the article?

[Godscreated]

 No, you are the one who has missed the whole point, Pharaoh had a second chance before his heart was hardened permanently, Pharaoh was warned and he said he now knew the God of Israel. Yet he refused to let the Israelites go, Pharaoh could have stopped all his peoples suffering by releasing the Israelites.
You blame God because you do not want to believe in Him, I blame Pharaoh because he saw the power of God and disobeyed after saying he knew Israels God.

GC

Yeah, we don't see eye to eye on that. I can see where you're going with that, but having given you my opinion on a god hardening someone's heart, is just absolutely preposterous to begin with, so it's hard for me to take that story seriously. It's also hard for me to believe that god orchestrated a world-wide flood, which there is no evidence for, and having wreaked havoc with his plagues. They sound like tales of primitive men.

Well then you are not taking the Bible for what it explicitly says, that's deceiving yourself, you know. It does matter what you don't believe it changes nothing with God. You call these people primitive yet they built structures we can't to day, I think it's in Jordan or Syria where a foundation stone for a building weighs so much that no modern machinery can come close to lifting it, none. No one has any idea how they moved the stone. Seems to me these people are not so primitive as you would have them to be.

You keep accusing me of having never read the bible or not wanting to believe in your god. Which is not true. Although, you'd probably think the same of me, accusing you of not being skeptical enough about this voice you hear in your head. The thing is, is that you claim facts, with nothing to back it up. I'm actually perfectly open to a god being out there, but there is nothing sufficient for me to go on there. In fact, the evidence of your god is so non-existent, that you could practically say that he isn't there with at least 99% certainty, but of course, I can't be sure. The evidence of jesus is the exact same as other miracle men, written throughout history; there were stories written about this character on paper/papyrus, that is it. Again, I don't want to not believe in a god, but I surely don't want to worship your version of a god for reasons, that should be completely discernible.

I do not hear voices in my head, I've never said I have, so where you got that I do not know unless you're parroting others that look only to accuse Christians of thing untrue. I've seen no real evidence that you either sought God or have read the Bible, those who read the Bible search the Bible not go to atheist sites to parrot someone else , that's done all the work, work that is biased at best and mostly lies. Those who do that do not even give credit to the ones who have done the work. They would have used a computer if they had one, so they used the best things they had to record with. I'd like to see a bunch of people thrown back to that time and see how well they would do, just a thought no speculation, just a thought. I'm 100% positive the God of the Bible exists, no doubts.

GC

[Salacious B. Crumb]

I do not hear voices in my head, I've never said I have, so where you got that I do not know unless you're parroting others that look only to accuse Christians of thing untrue.

How exactly do you speak to god then? Does god come down from heaven and appear before you and talk to you as if you were talking to a regular human being?

[Gawdzilla]

In case nobody's done the math, it wasn't three days.

Say 6:00 PM on Friday.
All day Saturday, maybe.
Tomb empty on Sunday morning. Be generous, say 6:00 AM on Sunday.

1.5 days.

[Iroscato]

I'm sure it ranks as the most interesting Saturday of Jesus' life, watching as his dick was perforated and ripped inside out by the horned mouth of a demon who then took to the exposed undershaft with a rusty cheesegrater and an assortment of cutlery that any kitchen would be proud to own.
It was probably almost as interesting as being double-skullfucked by Satan's burning hot nob pumping gallons of searing hot devil juice directly into his brain, and the terrifying yet strangely whimsical hallucinations that followed.

Bet he had one mighty hangover come monday. In fact the resurrection itself could be seen as his version of cracking open his freshly-penetrated eyelids and wincing at the light of the morning as follows a particluarly heavy night. No wonder we haven't seen much of him since.

[Aoi Magi]

Why would he need to go to hell? It's his dad who sends everyone to hell in the first place. I think he went to his dad in china (because the eden is in the east, and china is the easternmost point on a flat earth, right?), to confirm the plan after that, since he lost connection on the cross (when he wondered why his dad abandoned him), and the journey back and forth took the 1.5 days time. simple

[JesusHChrist]

Bet he had one mighty hangover come monday. In fact the resurrection itself could be seen as his version of cracking open his freshly-penetrated eyelids and wincing at the light of the morning as follows a particluarly heavy night. No wonder we haven't seen much of him since.

In "God time", each day is as a thousand years, so let's do the calculation, um, 3 days multiplied by 1,000 years, carry the one, modulate the hypotenuse, disregard common sense, and voila! You get 3,000 years.

So, JHC predicts Jeez will be hangover-free right around 3030 AD (after debauchery) or so. Expect to see Jeez right as rain, riding on his white horsey, carrying a sword in his mouth (wow, metaphor much Jeez?) to slaughter all the devilish unbelievers, starting with the atheists!

You heard it here first!

[Wyrd of Gawd]

---

I think you're missing the point. The "fact" that god actually hardened the pharaoh's heart in order to perform his magic show, to watch everyone suffer with the plagues is absolutely.. INSANE. He didn't just punish the bad, the innocent were hurt as well.

You and I see the scriptures in a very different fashion. I doubt you would punish the good people, along with the bad people, if you were a god. I can't understand how people just look at this as being perfectly ok, when most of them would consider punishing good people along with bad people, immoral, but when this god character does it in a book, written by man, it's perfectly ok. I call that a double standard.

---

 No, you are the one who has missed the whole point, Pharaoh had a second chance before his heart was hardened permanently, Pharaoh was warned and he said he now knew the God of Israel. Yet he refused to let the Israelites go, Pharaoh could have stopped all his peoples suffering by releasing the Israelites.
You blame God because you do not want to believe in Him, I blame Pharaoh because he saw the power of God and disobeyed after saying he knew Israels God.

GC

So if it's Israel's God why would anyone worship it unless he's a member of  Israel?

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Didn't Jesus go to the Western Hemisphere during that time to convert the natives?  It's in a book so it must be true, right?

I'm not sure a donkey could have got Him there and back fast enough.

Appreciate your invoking Joe Smith in this thread though!

The title of the thread is: "Speculate on Jesus 3 days of HELLISH torment !!!"

So I was speculating that Jesus went to the Western Hemisphere like old Joe claimed a moron angel told him.