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RE: joke time
August 9, 2015 at 6:50 am
(August 9, 2015 at 6:09 am)Stimbo Wrote: So farewell then, 'Our Cilla', swept up to heaven to become 'god's Cilla'.
I'd recommend everyone steering clear of Tokyo for the forseeable future.
it's amazing how a black Michael Jackson can turn white while a white Cilla can turn black!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
August 9, 2015 at 7:56 am
What's brown and rhymes with dre?
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.
Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.
Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.
Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 7:40 am
My grandfather was on the Titanic.
Still is.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 9:46 am
When someone tells you God has touched them, it's only fair to ask them what they were wearing.
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 5:15 pm
I'll never forget the words my grandpa told me before he kicked the bucket.
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.
Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.
Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.
Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 6:13 pm
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like Grandpa did, not screaming like the others in the car.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 7:07 pm
I'll never forget the last words my grandad said to me...
"How did you get in my house? What... what are you doing with that pillow..?"
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 7:14 pm
I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, getting up in the middle of the night is a pain.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 7:22 pm
What do you get when you cross a domesticated chicken with a giant Peruvian centipede?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
August 10, 2015 at 10:08 pm
Governor Christie's primary focus during the upcoming campaign will continue to be delectability.