(March 2, 2016 at 4:45 pm)Jenny A Wrote: I'm going to play devil's advocate a little here. Your family may not be the best, and they may be pushing Christianity in some unfair ways---both are probably true. But, I suggest you be careful about burning bridges. The thing is that family is important. I can give advise. Christians can give advise. But we aren't going to live with the results of that advice, and you and your family are.
Most atheists manage to live and interact peacefully with theist family. My husband and I both do. The trick is to take the good things about family and leave the bad ones, without losing family feeling.
I agree, at least to a certain extent. I touched on this, way back in the thread.
I said that if I could have it all to do over, I would have handled my rebellion against my Baptist family very differently.
If I could go back and do it all over again,
then, instead of rebelling and screaming and fighting,
I would spared myself the strife;
I actually would have put up no fight whatsoever:
I would have simply complied with their wishes
and
allowed them to believe that I was the ideal Christian daughter...exemplary, in fact;
maybe even proactively taking on responsibilities they'd have me take on;
(as well as quietly working, earning a good credit rating, good references, skills, saving money
and getting an education along the way)
...until I had become of age, and moved out and became independent,
and then it would have just shut off like a tap.
Then they can't leverage any kind of control over you,
and they can't complain that you were ungrateful or disobedient.
At that point, it could even be argued that I demonstrated MORE maturity and wisdom than THEY had!!
Once you're an independent adult,
if they try to pressure you,
THEN you simply tell them that you're not interested.
If they persist,
then you calmly, firmly make it very clear that you will NOT be engaged in any conversation on the matter,
nor will you tolerate any kind of ongoing nudges or hints or jabs;
that you will simply leave if that persists.
You respected their wishes and their rules while you were under their roof,
...but you are now an adult and you will make your own choices
and will not tolerate harassment,
or any disrespect being shown for your own views, either.
You have made it clear that you ARE interested in having a relationship with them
but you are simply insisting upon mutual respect:
You're not going to try to change them
and you must insist that they show you the same courtesy.
That's all there is to it: Simply accept me as I am....or I leave.
No drama necessary.
Then,
if they STILL don't accept you as you are,
then you enforce what you just said:
You leave.
It's not worth having a relationship if you're miserable or being treated as a doormat,
especially since it cannot be said that you were the one guilty of trying to change someone else,
or that you were guilty of ingratitude, disobedience, or disrespect.
You have your rights, too;
and you have made it clear that you DO want a relationship,
but mutual respect must prevail.
That's not unreasonable.
Point out to them that you quietly tolerated their views for years,
despite the fact you disagreed with them
and that you did this to avoid strife.
If they insist upon re-opening the subject with you at every opportunity,
then they should know going in that you are not going to change your mind,
and the strife will end up occurring anyway,
and it is because you realize that that would be pointless,
that you opt to leave,
instead of fighting in mindless circles.
), and that I thought that god was more nebulous - not a person, no son - but a positive entity. It wasn't until my early 20's that I finally admitted to myself that I didn't believe, that I 
