Increased door-knocking...

[thesummerqueen]

Considering your favorite topic here on these forums I have upwards of 10 jokes about "praying on knees" and "giving yourself over to the spirit"

[Ace Otana]

Considering your favorite topic here on these forums I have upwards of 10 jokes about "praying on knees" and "giving yourself over to the spirit"

Really. I've heard a good few prayer jokes. Especially when it comes to Muslims.

[Minimalist]

We had a first the other day. My wife opened a letter that turned out to be from some jehovah witness shitball ASKING if they could come talk to us about fucking jesus ( my editorializing there.)
Either the bastards are getting lazy or they are getting tired of having doors slammed in their faces.
Anyway, my wife shit-canned it so they wasted 42 cents there.

[reverendjeremiah]

We had a first the other day. My wife opened a letter that turned out to be from some jehovah witness shitball ASKING if they could come talk to us about fucking jesus ( my editorializing there.)
Either the bastards are getting lazy or they are getting tired of having doors slammed in their faces.
Anyway, my wife shit-canned it so they wasted 42 cents there.

Fucking religious spam. What a waste of man hours and money.

[Minimalist]

The post office needs the money.

[Anomalocaris]

I've instilled a sense of complete frustration and utter dejection in every religious door knocker such that I never see any of them again. As a result I have not been bothered, except with cowardly pamphlet under the door, for over 3 years.

[Doubting Thomas]

I haven't been visited by JW's for a while, but they did come around when I lived in another town a few years ago. Plus, just after my wife & I bought our house there, some religious dudes came around and asked if we wanted to go to their church. Of course the answer was not only no, but hell no. Come to find out that some churches scan the public records of recent house purchases and "visit" the people to invite them to their church. Then I think on another occasion there was a copy of the Watchtower stuck in our door. Glad we were gone that day.

I used to get a bunch of religious junk mail from some "church" in Oklahoma that always exhorted me to send in money so I could get rich, because if I sent them money, somehow God would reward me. After I sent back a few polite requests in their pre-paid envelopes to not send me any more of their crap, I started printing out the most disgusting porn images I could find and mailing them back. Eventually the mail stopped. When I googled that church online, I found that their M.O. is to send donation requests to people in poor neighborhoods, which was strange because we were middle class, and I have no idea how they got my name & address.

The town we live in now has no JW's so I'm not bothered by them any more.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.

[Thor]

If the JWs come to your door, hand them YOUR pamphlet! You can find some good ones here:

http://www.normalbobsmith.com/free/flyers/

My favorite is the "God is Fake" pamphlet! Print 'em out and have fun!

[thesummerqueen]

We just let them think Ares, our pitbull, is DYING to eat their face.

For some reason, God never intervenes in time to stomp the chomp-down, does he?

[Thor]

I used to get a bunch of religious junk mail from some "church" in Oklahoma that always exhorted me to send in money so I could get rich, because if I sent them money, somehow God would reward me. After I sent back a few polite requests in their pre-paid envelopes to not send me any more of their crap, I started printing out the most disgusting porn images I could find and mailing them back. Eventually the mail stopped.

I keep getting mail from St. Matthew's church in Tulsa. The envelope contains a "prayer rug" (actually a piece of paper with a picture of Jesus) that you're instructed to use and then send back to them in their postage paid envelope. They also send a flyer with all kinds of idiotic testimonials from people declaring how the "prayer rug" brought them money, health, a job, a house, etc, etc...

I always plaster the "prayer rug" with pictures of dicks that I cut out of porn magazines. My favorite bit is to make it look like Jesus is giving somebody a blow job with jizz dribbling down his chin. It's fun to imagine some old lady at this church opening my returned envelope and getting the surprise of her life. "Oh, Agnes! Look what somebody did to Jesus!"