I tried praying away some unsightly calcium deposits on my bath fixtures, but God said no. The guy at the hardware store solde see stuff he swore would work. It didn't. Do I need to get a priest or a pastor to smite him, or can I smite him myself?
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True Christian (TM) Answers Your Questions
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 RE: True Christian (TM) Answers Your Questions
April 7, 2017 at 11:13 pm
(This post was last modified: April 7, 2017 at 11:15 pm by YahwehIsTheWay.)
(April 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm)AceBoogie Wrote: lol someone please tell me this dude is fucking with us OK... [Out of character] I know. It's a strange way to talk about religion but it's the only way I can do it and stay sane. It's amazing to me that anyone EVER believed this bullshit, never mind in today's age. Yet here I am, living only miles away from what's supposed to be a replica of "Noah's Arc", paid for by my tax dollars. I don't even know where to begin. So, I'm not trolling anyone. This is intended as satire, as my signature says. But unfortunately, the fucktardary of the fundies is so intense that I can't seem to drop enough "tells" sometimes for those who don't know me already. [Back in character] ...AND SO GOD sent HIMSELF down to earth to become His own Son so He could SACRIFICE HIMSELF TO HIMSELF because bleeding on a cross was the only way He could convince Himself to forgive us all for being such sinful beings which we are because an ancestor of ours who was made from a rib ate a magic fruit after speaking to a talking snake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GLORY! (April 7, 2017 at 5:21 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Were you born circumcised or circumvented? I'm not Jesus. I'm just America's second best Christian. Nobody could hold a candle to Mrs. Betty Bowers at being the best Christian.
"You don't need facts when you got Jesus." -Pastor Deacon Fred, Landover Baptist Church
™: True Christian is a Trademark of the Landover Baptist Church. I have no affiliation with this fine group of True Christians ™ because I can't afford their tithing requirements but would like to be. Maybe someday the Lord will bless me with enough riches that I am able to. And for the lovers of Poe, here's your winking smiley: 
Ok it definitely seemed like you were trolling but one can never be too sure now days
“Love is the only bow on Life’s dark cloud. It is the morning and the evening star. It shines upon the babe, and sheds its radiance on the quiet tomb. It is the mother of art, inspirer of poet, patriot and philosopher.
It is the air and light of every heart – builder of every home, kindler of every fire on every hearth. It was the first to dream of immortality. It fills the world with melody – for music is the voice of love. Love is the magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to Joy, and makes royal kings and queens of common clay. It is the perfume of that wondrous flower, the heart, and without that sacred passion, that divine swoon, we are less than beasts; but with it, earth is heaven, and we are gods.” - Robert. G. Ingersoll  ![[Image: if-god-made-a-man-in-his-own-a-image-5558842.png]](https://pics.me.me/if-god-made-a-man-in-his-own-a-image-5558842.png)
 (April 7, 2017 at 11:13 pm)YahwehIsTheWay Wrote: But you looked and sounded like jesus. Are you the anitchrist?
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental.
Pat Mustard
Previous username: GUBU God! Theresa, I forgot me fecking trousers!  Religious Views: the Disc's first ligthning proof atheist (April 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm)AceBoogie Wrote: lol someone please tell me this dude is fucking with us Oh she is totally real. Disregard those viciously true rumours that she is a sockpuppet invented by Deist Paladin as an April Fool's joke.
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LastPoet
 Leader of the gang of jerkoffs(tm) Religious Views: L'Uomo verrà portato dalla sua creazione (April 7, 2017 at 12:10 pm)Cyberman Wrote:(April 7, 2017 at 12:06 pm)LastPoet Wrote: Hey YITW. Praise jeebus I am christian again... oh wait it was just a bowel movement. Thank god I reached the toilet bowl in time. Probably the best argument ever. One can pray while at it. 
There are many worshippers at the white throne.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
 RE: True Christian (TM) Answers Your Questions
April 8, 2017 at 2:11 pm
(This post was last modified: April 8, 2017 at 2:13 pm by Fake Messiah.)
(April 7, 2017 at 11:51 am)YahwehIsTheWay Wrote: Greetings Hellbound heathens, Do you ever wish you had a terminal cancer because that would put you sooner with Jesus? Like you knew you had few weeks until you get to the other world, which is so much better then this one, sou you could dedicate yourself to pass St. Peter by doing all the proscribed things, making the sacraments, giving all your money to the church - wouldn't that be a waltz to Jesus' arms? So do you ever pray for god to send you terminal cancer?
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Circumstances change the application of objective morality. With changing circumstances, we are more in need of Guidance from God and a Guide from him, because we can apply moral laws totally wrong from the past or we can lose foresight of a wisdom of a law that is meant to apply in our circumstances.
There is no doubt a need of that navigator and leader that steers the just city (or world) on course if we are ever going to establish justice. |
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