joke time

[Brian37]

I found two coins in my pocket worth 10 cents each, I don't know how if I should spend them or save them, I have just created a pairodime

[Cyberman]

Well I went to my GP and he told me I was overweight, so I got second opinion from another doctor who said I was underweight. It's a pair o' docs.

[Cyberman]

Two lions walking around London. First lion says "Not many people around today."

[Little lunch]

I'm filling up my car with petrol, not paying much attention, overfill it and splash petrol all down my arm.
I finish up and leave, get a couple of blocks away, light up a ciggie, my arm catches on fire and I'm waving it out the window.
Just my fucking luck, cops pull me over and charge me for having an illegal firearm.

[Brian37]

Two lions walking around London. First lion says "Not many people around today."

HA! Well no shit, I'd be indoors too if I saw a lion with no cage walking down a public street.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

While taking my shower this morning, I noticed a dark brown line across my chest, just below my collarbone. After dressing in panic, I rushed to the closest hospital.

The doc examined me (making those non-committal physician noises we all know so well) then said, 'Wait here, I'll be right back.'

Ten minutes later he comes back into the room and hands me a beaker full of sludge and says, 'Drink this, you'll be fine.'

I took the beaker, had a sniff and said, 'Fuck's sake, Doc...this smells like shit!'

He said, 'It IS shit...you're a quart low.'

Boru

[Brian37]

I just realized, Jews who live in India must be really pissed......Ok, don't get ahead of me, and don't assume. 

But if you have already established an old deli, and someone moves in on your territory wouldn't you get pissed if they started a New Deli? 

Jew, "HEY I WAS HERE FIRST! And what is this curry stuff? PASTRAMI MAN PASTRAMI!"

[The Valkyrie]

Well I went to my GP and he told me I was overweight, so I got second opinion from another doctor who said I was underweight. It's a pair o' docs.

I have to shoot you now.

[Brian37]

So this feline wanted a job in NY State's National Park service. The manager at the state office asked, "So exactly where do you want to work?"

Feline, "Catskills of course".

---

Two mountains decide to play high stakes poker. One shuffles the deck, the other cuts it, they deal the cards and put in the anti.

Mountain 1 looks at it's cards, trying to be stone faced, puts in $100 chip. 

Mountain 2. Says "I see your $100 and raise you $500"

Mountain 1. Says while sweating, "I see your $500 and raise you $1,000"

Mountain 2. Reading mountain 1's face says, "I am calling your bluff".

[Mister Agenda]

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.