Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 16, 2024, 3:56 am
Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
joke time
downbeatplumb Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: What is a God anyway?
Posts: 13901
Threads: 263
Joined: January 11, 2009
Reputation: 82
#1641
RE: joke time
May 27, 2017 at 6:54 am
Communists do not drink PG tips.



Because all proper tea is theft.



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Find
Reply
Brian37 Offline
RationalPoet
*****
Religious Views: JGH 1933-2017 RIP MOM
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation: 71
#1642
RE: joke time
May 27, 2017 at 1:08 pm (This post was last modified: May 27, 2017 at 1:11 pm by Brian37.)
I like how Americans can be innovative, but why wont anyone invest in my idea of stringless parachutes?

Ok, how about a Jewish/Muslim barbecue joint?

What about a nudist camp where cloths are required?

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX FOLKS!

But you know what really pisses me off about America? We put humans on the moon but we cant put a "free" button on a cash register.
Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37  I also have a new blog here at https://www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Find
Reply
Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
*****
Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation: 156
#1643
RE: joke time
May 27, 2017 at 1:24 pm
In what country does sheep fall from the sky?


At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Find
Reply
Rhondazvous Offline
Help Me, Rhonda
****
Religious Views: Happy Heathen
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation: 42
#1644
RE: joke time
May 28, 2017 at 4:23 pm (This post was last modified: May 28, 2017 at 5:05 pm by Rhondazvous.)
(May 24, 2017 at 7:24 pm)Minimalist Wrote:
Quote:A Wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again.
Men will get it the first time.

No, I got it the first time. But I imagine men will say, "So, he did what she asked. Where's the punchline?"
Where was the very first chicken fried?

The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Find
Reply
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
*****
Religious Views: n/a
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation: 111
#1645
RE: joke time
June 1, 2017 at 7:24 am
I'm calling my wife "Google" from now on.

Every time I start to say something, she wants to suggest something else! sheesh...
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Find
Reply
Brian37 Offline
RationalPoet
*****
Religious Views: JGH 1933-2017 RIP MOM
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation: 71
#1646
RE: joke time
June 1, 2017 at 8:05 am
Siri, what does "Covfefe" mean?

Siri, "Our president is a fucking idiot".
Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37  I also have a new blog here at https://www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Find
Reply
downbeatplumb Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: What is a God anyway?
Posts: 13901
Threads: 263
Joined: January 11, 2009
Reputation: 82
#1647
RE: joke time
June 1, 2017 at 12:53 pm
(June 1, 2017 at 8:05 am)Brian37 Wrote: Siri, what does "Covfefe" mean?

Siri, "Our president is a fucking idiot".

Covfefe means covfefe.

One for the brexiteers there.



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Find
Reply
Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
*****
Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation: 156
#1648
RE: joke time
June 1, 2017 at 1:03 pm
Putting a bottle of aftershave in a freezer overnight and then drinking the rarefied alcohol makes explaining why you did it so much easier.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Find
Reply
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
*****
Religious Views: n/a
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation: 111
#1649
RE: joke time
June 2, 2017 at 8:57 am
That's it. Now I'm buying the wife a plunger because she loves bringing up old shit!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Find
Reply
Mr.Obvious Offline
Dishonorably Discharged
***
Religious Views: Atheist Mantis does not pray.
Posts: 1176
Threads: 30
Joined: May 22, 2017
Reputation: 21
#1650
RE: joke time
June 2, 2017 at 9:06 am
(August 7, 2014 at 11:39 pm)ignoramus Wrote: How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
(WIP. Best answer gets big kudos and a sloppy kiss from Losty!)

Attempt #1

None, they like being kept in the dark.

None, they all claim to have seen the light.
"If we go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, suggesting 69.
[Image: 41bebac06973488da2b0740b6ac37538.jpg]-
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2750 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18803 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4845 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 67 Guest(s)