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RE: joke time
June 2, 2017 at 9:56 am
(June 2, 2017 at 9:06 am)Mr.Obvious Wrote: (August 7, 2014 at 11:39 pm)ignoramus Wrote: How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
(WIP. Best answer gets big kudos and a sloppy kiss from Losty!)
Attempt #1
None, they like being kept in the dark.
None, they all claim to have seen the light.
None, if god wanted us to use light bulbs, he wouldn't have created the sun.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2017 at 11:16 am
I just had a thought, would it unnerve anyone if you got on a passenger jet and the captain made this announcement, "This is your captain speaking, for your enjoyment today we have decided to do barrel rolls and loops"?
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Life is like toilet paper. Either you're on a roll, or you're taking shit off some arsehole.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2017 at 8:59 pm
Another oldie-
Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
June 4, 2017 at 6:50 pm
Made a casserole earlier. The recipe said "place in the middle of the oven at 180 degrees".
Now it's all over the bottom of the oven.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
June 4, 2017 at 8:06 pm
God reveals himself to a band of men in the desert and starts a world religion.
I reveal myself to a group of women in the leisure centre and I get banned for life and put on a register.
Follow the fucking bible my arse...
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
June 6, 2017 at 7:36 pm
(This post was last modified: June 6, 2017 at 7:38 pm by Cyberman.)
I gazed into her eyes, my legs were like jelly, my blood pounding in my temples. I could feel electric tingles running down my arms and I had butterflies in my stomach.
It was then we both knew.
I'd spiked the wrong drink.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
June 7, 2017 at 11:26 am
Following the uproar over Donald Trump's statement that he was "elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris", the White House has issued an apology.
"It was an unfortunate slip," they said. "He meant to say St Petersburg".
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
June 7, 2017 at 12:19 pm
Someone told me today that I'm "decorative".
Well, "ornamental".
Okay, "horny and mental".
Same principle.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
June 7, 2017 at 12:58 pm
Today I learned that a candle flame smells like burning nose hair.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
