joke time

[ignoramus]

I hate you so much!

[Rhondazvous]

... But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

How do you know? I happen to belong to the ancient and holy order of the brotherhood of Rhondazvous. I already know what's behind that door.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

What do you call a chicken crossing the road?

Poultry in motion.

Boru

[Rhondazvous]

Old woman: Come on, baby, let's go upstairs and have sex.
very old man: Make up your mind, woman. I can't do both.

[Brian37]

So a Buddhist Monk went door to door in Asia looking for converts, 

Knocked on one door and an Asian farmer opened it up.

Monk said, "It's a great religion, you should join, you'd have a Dali Lama".

The Asian Farmer said, " How can I make any money raising dolly lamas, I cant make any money off stuffed toys. I want real lamas".

[Brian37]

True story, I really had this happen to me.

 Long ago, I walked into a bank and as I approached the teller she said this to me, "Give me all your money."


I laughed and responded, "You do realize if I had said that to you you'd be pressing a button right now."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A wee lad tells his mum, 'When I grow up, I want to be just like Donald Trump!'  She answers, 'Make up your mind son, you can't do both.'

Boru

[ignoramus]

Rodney Dangerfield went on a blind date. She described herself as having features of early Americans.
He was expecting a beautiful exotic native American lady.
Rodney said she looked like a buffalo!

[Brian37]

I decided to make a animation about chewing tobacco.

I was going to call it a "Spit Toon".

[Darinda]

The golfer

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him.

He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not preach at church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." The Lord nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away (For those unaccustomed to golf, this is the world's most exciting thing to a golfer - like winning the Worlds Cup by yourself) A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.

"The Lord smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"