joke time

[Rhondazvous]

I do. I like it. I've only just had chance to hear it.

I'm glad you like it. If I could just see you smile or laugh, that would make my day.

[Brian37]

Saw the following joke on Twitter, this is is sooooooooooooo  freaken wrong..... 

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try".

[ignoramus]

That is sick and wrong on so many levels! But damn funny!

[Brian37]

That is sick and wrong on so many levels! But damn funny!

I got it out of Trump's autobiography. 

[Rhondazvous]

Saw the following joke on Twitter, this is is sooooooooooooo  freaken wrong..... 

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try".

Considering that's his daughter, that is wrong. Maybe if he'd said wife, I would have laughed.

[Brian37]

Saw the following joke on Twitter, this is is sooooooooooooo  freaken wrong..... 

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try".

Considering that's his daughter, that is wrong. Maybe if he'd said wife, I would have laughed.

It's only a joke. and read my top line.

[Rhondazvous]

It's only a joke. and read my top line.

I know.

This girl and her bf wanted to fuck but they were afraid of her father. So the girl cut a hole in the floor of her house. The boy crawled up under the house, stuck his prick through the hole and the girl went to town.

When the father came home, he gasped.
Father: Jesus Christ! A snake done bit my daughter and it’s foaming at the mouth.

[Minimalist]

Q:   Someone has told me that menopause is
mentioned in the bible.. Is that true?
Where can it be
found?


A:   Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass
all the way to   Egypt .."

[Rhondazvous]

This man was 95 years old and his wife was 94. They were standing before an astonished judge in divorce court.
Judge: How long have you been married?
Man: 75 years.
Judge: Why on earth are you getting a divorce after being together all this time?
Wife: We were waiting for the children to die.

[Joods]

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. 

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. 

The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." 
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." 
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk." 

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray- haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." 
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." 

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......

















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... But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.