Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
June 21, 2017 at 6:23 pm
The shipping mogul Aristotle Onassis was in a restaurant when a man came up to him.
Man: please Mr. Onassis, I desperately need your help. See there’s this beautiful young lady I’m trying to impress. As you can see I’m not all that handsome and don’t have much in the way of charm or money. But before you leave cold you just stop by our table and say “Hello, al?” that will impress her.
So Aristotle agreed to do that. And before leaving he stopped by the man’s table and said, “Hello, Al.” Al put an arm around the girl’shoulder. And looked very casual like this happened every day.
Man: How many times do I have to tell you, Onassis? Don’t bother me when I’m with a young lady. Fuck off.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 34717
Threads: 200
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
145
RE: joke time
June 21, 2017 at 6:39 pm
A rich oil Sheikh was worried. His son's ninth birthday was coming up and he didn't know what to get him.
Finally, a few days before the big event he said to his son, "Son. I worry because your birthday nears and I do not know what to get you. You have cars, a plane, a yacht, a palace of your own, and servants to see to your every need. So tell me, what is it that you want with all your heart?"
"Father," said the son, "What I have always wanted, the one thing that my heart truly desires, is a Mickey Mouse outfit!"
SO the next day his father went out and bought him the US Government! (It IS for sale, right?)
Dying to live, living to die.
Posts: 5664
Threads: 219
Joined: June 20, 2016
Reputation:
61
RE: joke time
June 21, 2017 at 7:05 pm
(June 21, 2017 at 6:23 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: The shipping mogul Aristotle Onassis was in a restaurant when a man came up to him.
Man: please Mr. Onassis, I desperately need your help. See there’s this beautiful young lady I’m trying to impress. As you can see I’m not all that handsome and don’t have much in the way of charm or money. But before you leave cold you just stop by our table and say “Hello, al?” that will impress her.
So Aristotle agreed to do that. And before leaving he stopped by the man’s table and said, “Hello, Al.” Al put an arm around the girl’shoulder. And looked very casual like this happened every day.
Man: How many times do I have to tell you, Onassis? Don’t bother me when I’m with a young lady. Fuck off.
That actually happened with Don Rickles and Frank Sinatra:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWvJCYyoDZQ
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
June 21, 2017 at 7:07 pm
(This post was last modified: June 21, 2017 at 7:08 pm by Rhondazvous.)
@ Valk
Hey I'll have you know, we've got the best government money can buy.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
June 21, 2017 at 8:08 pm
(This post was last modified: June 21, 2017 at 8:09 pm by ignoramus.)
Take your time buying it. They don't like people Rushin'
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 9334
Threads: 19
Joined: September 8, 2015
Reputation:
79
RE: joke time
June 21, 2017 at 8:50 pm
(This post was last modified: June 21, 2017 at 8:52 pm by Fireball.)
(June 20, 2017 at 10:15 am)Rhondazvous Wrote: (June 19, 2017 at 10:48 pm)Cyberman Wrote: According to conventional wisdom, if you shave it off it grows back much thicker.
Can't wait to see my new cock! A hard man is good to find. So you can't wait to show off your new oak?
Yours truly,
The Squirrel
 What's Alpha Male got to do with this?
(June 21, 2017 at 6:39 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: A rich oil Sheikh was worried. His son's ninth birthday was coming up and he didn't know what to get him.
Finally, a few days before the big event he said to his son, "Son. I worry because your birthday nears and I do not know what to get you. You have cars, a plane, a yacht, a palace of your own, and servants to see to your every need. So tell me, what is it that you want with all your heart?"
"Father," said the son, "What I have always wanted, the one thing that my heart truly desires, is a Mickey Mouse outfit!"
SO the next day his father went out and bought him the US Government! (It IS for sale, right?)
It is, now.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
June 24, 2017 at 9:42 am
The Lament of Juan
(I thought this would be better if you listened to it than if I tried to type it, so here goes)
http://rhondadenisejohnson.com/lament.mp3
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
June 25, 2017 at 10:23 am
(This post was last modified: June 25, 2017 at 12:18 pm by Cyberman.)
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One Brazilian.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
June 25, 2017 at 11:20 am
(June 24, 2017 at 9:42 am)Rhondazvous Wrote: The Lament of Juan
(I thought this would be better if you listened to it than if I tried to type it, so here goes)
http://rhondadenisejohnson.com/lament.mp3
Was this really bad? Nobody likes it. Boohoo.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
June 25, 2017 at 12:19 pm
I do. I like it. I've only just had chance to hear it.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
|
