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RE: joke time
December 8, 2017 at 3:30 pm
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me
life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
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RE: joke time
December 8, 2017 at 6:01 pm
Quote:A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
She went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?"
“Morris Fishbein,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.
“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”
“And how do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fuckin brick wall!"
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RE: joke time
December 8, 2017 at 6:59 pm
Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer.
Doctor Watson says, ...I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ...I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.
Doctor Ahn says, ...I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a visa.
Consul : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consul : Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul : I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul : Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul : Man,…….. isn’t it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul : Oh………. dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!!!!
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
December 9, 2017 at 11:52 am
(This post was last modified: December 9, 2017 at 11:53 am by Dave B.)
An avant guard artist was commissioned to paint a new mural for the Bighorn Museum. The artist insisted on a free choice of subject and for the mural to be kept undisclosed, to anyone at all, until it was officially unveiled.
A month later it was finished and the unveiling ceremony was held with great pomp. The curtain drew aside and a gasp was rent from the whole if the important audience. There before them was a picture of a turd with a gold ring above it, a silver bar and a field full of braves and squaws going at it like bunnies.
"Wh...wh..what the Hell does this mean?" splutters the top man.
The artist replies, "It's an allegory on General Custer's last words, "Holy shit, Lieutenant, look at all those fucking Indians!"
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RE: joke time
December 9, 2017 at 12:38 pm
A Pedophile, a Rapist, and a Future US Senator walk into a mall. The security guard says "You're not supposed to be here, Mr. Moore. There's a restraining order against you."
The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to woman is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
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RE: joke time
December 9, 2017 at 12:43 pm
A man climbed a mountain to speak to the wise man at the top.
When he got there he asked.
"How to I gain enlightenment?"
To which the Wise man answered.
"First you must deal with all your faults"
The man thought a while, then asked.
"How will I know all my faults?"
To which the wise man answered.
"Do not worry yourself, merely go home to your wife, then criticise one aspect of her" He paused "shortly afterwards you will receive a comprehensive list of all of your faults"
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: joke time
December 9, 2017 at 9:10 pm
(This post was last modified: December 9, 2017 at 9:12 pm by KittyAnn.)
A teacher asks her students if they`re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
`Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?`
`The Red Sox.`
`Why`s that?`
`Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I`m a Red Sox fan too.`
`That`s not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?`
`No, that would make me a Yankees fan!`
An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student`s immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, `What about extreme sexual exhaustion?`
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, `You can write with your other hand.`
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
December 10, 2017 at 2:57 am
I remember the first time I had sex. I was so scared...I was all by my self!--Rodney Dangerfield
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RE: joke time
December 10, 2017 at 8:37 am
(December 8, 2017 at 6:59 pm)KittyAnn Wrote: Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer.
Doctor Watson says, ...I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ...I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.
Doctor Ahn says, ...I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a visa.
Consul : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consul : Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul : I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul : Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul : Man,…….. isn’t it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul : Oh………. dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!!!!
MEH, THE joke could work by replacing "Arab" with "Judge Roy Moore" applying for a visa to go on vacation.
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RE: joke time
December 10, 2017 at 9:38 pm
A Priest, a liar, and a pedophile walks into a bar...he sits down and orders a drink.
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