joke time

[Ravenshire]

A Priest, a liar, and a pedophile walks into a bar...he sits down and orders a drink.

I like mine better...

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What'll it be, Father?"

[Edwardo Piet]

Of course yours is better. I copypasted mine from YouTube after failing to chuckle at it but thinking "someone on that AF thread might kudos me for it."

[KittyAnn]

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: 
- I do not like Chinese.
The First Officer replies: 
- Oooooh, no likee Chinese? Why dat?
- You bombed Pearl harbor. That is why I do not like Chinese.
- Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese.
- Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...it does not matter, they are all alike.
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says: 
- No likee Jew.
- Why not? Why do not you like Jews?
- Jews sink Titanic.
- No, no. The Jews did not sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.
- Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same.

---

[Divinity]

Roy Moore likes his women like he likes his amendments: 10 and under.

[Brian37]

A Priest, a liar, and a pedophile walks into a bar...he sits down and orders a drink.

I like mine better...

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What'll it be, Father?"

Yea well, assault on an adult or a child isn't about the sex, regardless of label, it is about power and control, not the sex itself.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Bri, dude - it's a joke. 

Boru

[downbeatplumb]

I like mine better...

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What'll it be, Father?"

Yea well, assault on an adult or a child isn't about the sex, regardless of label, it is about power and control, not the sex itself.

I think there is a chance that sometimes its about the sex.

Its the "I think its a bit more complicated than that" answer.

[KittyAnn]

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. 
So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. 
While there the boy came home from school and studied every day.
At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A`s. 
So his parents asked him, `What motivated you to do so well in school?` 
He replied, `When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren`t fooling around!`

[Darinda]

OXYMORONS

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6.. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"

when we are already there?

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13... Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17... If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21... Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control

when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25... Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27.Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?



28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

I dunno, why do we?

[Brian37]

Bri, dude - it's a joke. 

Boru

I got that part, but unfortunately we have a president accused by 16 women endorsing a Jerry Lee Lewis Judge mall rat named Roy Moore. So yea, it is just a "joke".