joke time

[The Valkyrie]

A Greek and an Italian were arguing over whose culture had contributed most to human civilization.

"We have the Parthenon!" said the Greek.

"We have the Colosseum!" countered the Italian.

"We invented mathematics," said the Greek.

"We built the Roman Empire!" said the Italian.

"We invented sex!" Said the Greek.

"That's true," admitted the Italian, "But we were the ones who thought to involve women."

[The Valkyrie]

What's the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter movies and books?

A ginger kid has friends.

[vulcanlogician]

A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

Why Will Congress Never Impeach Trump?


Republicans always insist on carrying babies to full term

[Fireball]

A cranky older woman “in her senior years” was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches you old fool.”
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, “Nine! But why do you care about that?”
The judge answered patiently, “Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail—one day for each peach.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
“Yes, sir, what do you have to add?” The husband said meekly, “Your Honor, she also stole two cans of peas.”

[Cecelia]

Did you ever stop to think that maybe God was really a woman, and when she spoke to Moses she didn't speak AS a burning bush, but just had Chlamydia?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Hey!!    Sexually transmitted diseases are nothing to clap about.

Boru

[ignoramus]

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Boru

[KittyAnn]

[ignoramus]

I've misplaced my mobile phone! I've tried calling it but to no avail. I remember having it on silent mode.
Anyway, it's my fault, if I wanted it that bad, I should've put a ring on it.