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Current time: December 15, 2024, 5:04 pm

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joke time
RE: joke time
How may Spartans did it take to light an oil lamp?

3500.  One to force one of the perioikoi to light it, and 3499 to make sure the helots didn't revolt.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
Paddy Murphy walked into his neighborhood pub promptly at 5 o’clock as he’d done for years. Mick, the pub keep, says to him:
Paddy! What’s happened to ya laddie? Ya look terrible! Both of your eyes are black, y’ur nose is pushed over to one side o’ y’ur face, it looks like they sewed your right ear back on!
Paddy says: Oh, me and Sean O’Leary been a’ fightin’.
Mick: Sean O’Leary?! That little shite? He couldn’t a done that to ya by himself. He must a had somethin’ in his hand.
Paddy: Aye, that he did. A shovel it was, and a proper lickin’ he gave me with it too.
Mick: What?! Sean O’Leary licked ya with a shovel??!! Surely ya had somethin’ in y’ur own hand.
Paddy: Aye, I did. I had Ms. O’Leary’s breast in me hand, and a thing o’ beauty it was too, but useless in a fight!
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
My boss in a meeting, "Have you been listening to me for the past fifteen minutes?"

Me, "What an odd way to start a conversation!"

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
Your face![Image: Tongue%20Wink.png]
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RE: joke time
Today, I saw an advert that read, 'Radio for sale, $1.  Volume stuck on "full" '.  I thought to myself, 'I can't turn that down.'

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
My friend, "Last night I slept like a baby!"

Me, "So, you shit yourself at 1am and then screamed until someone changed you?"

Ex friend, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
I'd like a coffee please with no milk.
I'm sorry sir, we're out of milk, so I took the liberty of making you a coffee without cream. I trust that will suffice?

Thinking
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
This coffee tastes like mud!

That's funny, it was ground this morning.
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RE: joke time
(February 17, 2019 at 4:56 am)ignoramus Wrote: I'd like a coffee please with no milk.
I'm sorry sir, we're out of milk, so I took the liberty of making you a coffee without cream. I trust that will suffice?

Thinking

Men are never out of milk. Neither are women. Think about it, and try not to puke.
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RE: joke time
Strange thought #37, where the hell did that come from?
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