joke time

[fredd bear]

I used to have a boss who hated it when I would shorten his name to 'Dick', mostly because his name was 'Bob'.

Boru

 True story: Worked in an office .One day, the section manager reprimanded  one of our more eccentric staff, in front of the whole office.

Our eccentric one  dropped to his knees and wrapped both arms around the manager's knee, sobbing loudly and begging for forgiveness. 

Manager never did that again.

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My mother swears this story is true, as told to her by my kindergarten teacher:

Little fredd was 4, at kindy, working furiously on his finger painting.

Teacher "My goodness, fredd, you're working so hard!  What  are you painting?

fredd : " I'm painting a picture of god"

Teacher "fredd, no one knows what god looks like"

fredd,po faced  "They will in a minute"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I ate a clock yesterday.  It was very time consuming.  Especially when I went back for seconds.

Boru

[Little lunch]

I bet my partner oral sex that I could beat him at Mario Kart.

I lost.

Now he keeps rubbing it in my face!

I've never played Mario Kart before but I'd challenge you to a few games.
I'm fairly sure I wouldn't mind losing. ;-)

[The Valkyrie]

I've just found a toaster with AI that can do most things for you.

It can connect to your phone and keep in contact with family and friends. Organise your life. Help with your social media. Even make toast.

And when you discover that you're filling the holes in your meaninhless life with gadgets, it will even take a bath with you.

[MLinoge]

[ignoramus]

My new book debunking Astral Projection is selling fantastic! I am beside myself!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'If the shoe fits, buy it.' - Mrs. Boru's motto.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Friend: "I want you to kill my ex but make it look like an accident!"

Me: "Okay."

Crime scene scientist: "It looks like someone put a banana peel under his foot after he was beaten yo death with a crowbar."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Friend: "I want you to kill my ex but make it look like an accident!"

Me: "Okay."

Crime scene scientist: "It looks like someone put a banana peel under his foot after he was beaten yo death with a crowbar.

Puts me in mind of smart answers to stupid questions:

'Did you shoot him?'
'No, officer. He was BORN with six bullet holes in his chest.'

Boru

[Brian37]

Friend: "I want you to kill my ex but make it look like an accident!"

Me: "Okay."

Crime scene scientist: "It looks like someone put a banana peel under his foot after he was beaten yo death with a crowbar.

Puts me in mind of smart answers to stupid questions:

'Did you shoot him?'
'No, officer. He was BORN with six bullet holes in his chest.'

Boru

HA HA HA HA .........

Not sure that would be the thing to say to police if you were a person of interest, even if innocent.

Good one.