Fighting Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

[fredd bear]

I'm saddened by the number of damaged people we have here

I've struggled with depression all of my adult life. Presently have been stable for about 5 years. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that without the help I've had, I would have killed myself years ago.

What stopped me? A truck load of psychotropics, which I will probably need for the rest of my life. Plus, I saw a psychologist for several years, doing cognitive therapy, which helped deal with some of the issues behind the depression. Only found out about 5 years ago, that a major part is having Asperger's.


I realise everyone is different, the drugs used vary a lot with individuals., as do the causes of depression.

What helped, and still helps me:

The manta "THIS WILL PASS!"

Physical activity is of proven benefit to depressives, exercise releases endomorphs. I find physical exercise difficult. Instead, I just go out, sometimes just to the mall for a coffee.

Also joined a mens group, a relatively recent innovation here, aimed at men who are socially isolated. This helps a lot.

A few years ago, bought a kindle, and started reading a lot more. Reading and TV are terrific distractions if you are able to concentrate.

Also took up art. Lessons for a year. Last couple of years have done a lot of tutorials on Youtube. I just search for say 'Tutorial how to paint clouds" or just about anything you can think of, including animation and anime. The results are god enough to hang on my wall, but I rarely show others.

All this helps me. I think THE key is activity, distraction. Oh, pets are a great help, especially if you live alone. I've always had a dog.

Here we also have "Lifeline", a telephone counselling service, if you think you are in danger. WE also have an excellent organisation called "Beyond Blue". I'm sure there are similar organisations in your country.

Link to Beyond Blue. They also have an online chat service.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

[tackattack]

Actually Fredd, I find it encouraging.

The fact that many people on here are willing to float some of their deepest selves here is one of the very few reasons I appreciate internet anonymity. Internet wide we have seen more and more of the darker side of humanity, that people publicly keep to themselves about. Perhaps it's training individuals to talk more deeply and genuinely IRL? I'm not sure if the pace can be matched with anonymity causing so much damage, but it at least might be some silver lining. The fact that people here are supportive and encouraging broken people is even more encouraging to me. It is a testament to the sympathy/empathy and compassion of the community that is sometimes buried under the vitriol.

I don't think there are many more people here that are broken and need help than there are in any subset or group you walk by every day. The difference is most people don't really have real conversations throughout their normal day.

[LastPoet]

Quite true. Death is so boring and prematurely running to it would only cut off future possibilities. Who knows what life has in store for me in the days to come or in the lives that I will touch? There's only one way to find out and that's to refuse to run up the white flag.

This. I once was with depression and suicidal thoughts, mostly due to stopping doing heroin (they say the physical withdrawal is bad, 3-5 days and its over in cold turkey, but the psychological addiction is worse IMO, like 2-3 years of having no pleasure in life), but I managed to convince myself that things would get better and that I am a stubborn son of a bitch that won't give up easily. It worked. Married and now I am a dad. Looking back I feel foolish, but its stages of life.

As a good friend says "life is about finding stuff to do".

[fredd bear]

Actually Fredd, I find it encouraging.

The fact that many people on here are willing to float some of their deepest selves here is one of the very few reasons I appreciate internet anonymity. Internet wide we have seen more and more of the darker side of humanity, that people publicly keep to themselves about. Perhaps  it's training individuals to talk more deeply and genuinely  IRL? I'm not sure if the pace can be matched with anonymity causing so much damage, but it at least might be some silver lining. The fact that people here are supportive and encouraging broken people is even more encouraging to me. It is a testament to the sympathy/empathy and compassion of the community that is sometimes buried under the vitriol.

I don't think there are many more people here that are broken and need help than there are in any subset or group you walk by every day. The difference is most people don't really have real conversations throughout their normal day.

You're probably right. 

I certainly find it easier to talk about feelings in the context of an anonymous internet forum. A definite upside to anonymity.

When the black dog is visiting, it helps me if there is some one with empathy who will listen, or jus be there.

[Jackalope]

I think it's helpful to not think of ourselves as "broken" or "damaged". Nobody is born with the skills needed to navigate the complexity of human emotion and experience and it's not as if those skills are passed on to everyone by our parents or role models. I can't speak for anyone else, but thinking of myself as "broken" was an impediment to therapeutic success.

[tackattack]

I’m not suggesting to remain feeling broken. But I’ve never met anyone who can’t relate to feeling broken at one Time or another. Certainly it’s not a state to remaining. Perhaps it gives us the depth of character to learn and reform ourselves better than before?

[robvalue]

Paladin: I’m very sorry to hear this. I know just how you feel. I’ve been wishing for a passive death for 10 years now. Depression is mental torture, and it is soul-sapping. I wish I had some sort of solution for both of us. I continue to get therapy, to try my best to be positive and to be there for others, and to try and find moments of joy.

[tackattack]

Also I'd like to add a tool for those looking to stop the downward spiral into chaos. Our brains are differentiating machines, it is constantly comparing things, visa-vie comparing us to others. Utilize that machine. Remember that with the advent of online global information, we have far more examples of people who are better than us, available to our differentiating engine. If you need/want that serotonin fix, remember that your IRL world is much smaller than the WWW, and work on just comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. Make small improvements and be honest with yourself. If you implement micro routines, day-to-day , you can improve your outlook and put on the brakes of the tyrant inside.