Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
July 8, 2019 at 6:39 am
A wee frog hops his way into a bank and says to a teller, 'I'd like to apply for a loan, please.'
'Certainly, sir' replies the teller. 'I'll just bring you to our chief loan officer, Mr. Pahdiwakk. Right this way, please.'
The frog follows the teller to Mr. Pahdiwakk's office and repeats his request for a loan. 'Well, we normally require security for any loans,' the official informs him. 'What can you offer as collateral?'
The frog reaches into his satchel and extracts a small, exquisitely sculpted figure of a mermaid. 'This has been in my family for ten generations,' he tells Pahdiwakk, 'and is quite valuable.'
The loan officer is quite taken with the figurine, but tells the frog he'll need to get the bank manager's approval for such an unusual bit of collateral. Taking the mermaid with him, he goes to the manager's office and explains the situation. The bank manager examines the figurine very closely and says:
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 17126
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
July 10, 2019 at 10:57 pm
Little Jimmy: *crying*
Mom: "What's wrong?"
Little Jimmy: "All the kids at school make fun of my bad grammar. They say it's my parents fault."
Mom: "Their, their, Jimmy. Don't let them effect you. Your better then them."
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 35312
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
July 10, 2019 at 11:03 pm
(July 8, 2019 at 6:39 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: A wee frog hops his way into a bank and says to a teller, 'I'd like to apply for a loan, please.'
'Certainly, sir' replies the teller. 'I'll just bring you to our chief loan officer, Mr. Pahdiwakk. Right this way, please.'
The frog follows the teller to Mr. Pahdiwakk's office and repeats his request for a loan. 'Well, we normally require security for any loans,' the official informs him. 'What can you offer as collateral?'
The frog reaches into his satchel and extracts a small, exquisitely sculpted figure of a mermaid. 'This has been in my family for ten generations,' he tells Pahdiwakk, 'and is quite valuable.'
The loan officer is quite taken with the figurine, but tells the frog he'll need to get the bank manager's approval for such an unusual bit of collateral. Taking the mermaid with him, he goes to the manager's office and explains the situation. The bank manager examines the figurine very closely and says:
Boru
If this joke was any older Christians would be worshipping it as a messiah.
Possibly a mess.
Almost certainly a very naughty boy.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 1:46 pm
Ever notice that when someone notes that someone else is going crazy they say they are "bananas" but never say they are "plantains"?
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 1:47 pm
Ever notice how people post things in the wrong thread?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 1:50 pm
(July 21, 2019 at 1:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Ever notice how people post things in the wrong thread?
Boru
Ever notice that this is the HUMOR thread which is the correct thread to post a joke?
If you want to argue it was a bad joke, that would be a better argument.
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 1:52 pm
(This post was last modified: July 21, 2019 at 1:53 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
(July 21, 2019 at 1:50 pm)Brian37 Wrote: (July 21, 2019 at 1:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Ever notice how people post things in the wrong thread?
Boru
Ever notice that this is the HUMOR thread which is the correct thread to post a joke?
If you want to argue it was a bad joke, that would be a better argument.
This is the 'joke time' thread in the humour forum. Why you posted would be a better fit in 'Random Thoughts.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 7:22 pm
President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.
When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This infuriates the President, who then asks what could be worse than that.
The Secret Service informs them that it’s Melania’s handwriting.
Posts: 879
Threads: 57
Joined: November 8, 2017
Reputation:
6
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 8:38 pm
(This post was last modified: July 21, 2019 at 8:50 pm by Haipule.)
(July 21, 2019 at 7:22 pm)Brian37 Wrote: President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.
When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This infuriates the President, who then asks what could be worse than that.
The Secret Service informs them that it’s Melania’s handwriting. I've told that joke before here but is was Bill Clinton--Al Gore's urine and Hilary's handwriting. I think that joke originated with Jimmy Carter or Richard Nixon. Anyway, I think it's hilarious!
It's always nice to know that someone is thinking about you.
Especially while they're masturbating!
No truer words...
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9
I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice!
When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big!
I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
Posts: 9912
Threads: 21
Joined: September 8, 2015
Reputation:
79
RE: joke time
July 21, 2019 at 10:39 pm
(July 21, 2019 at 8:38 pm)Haipule Wrote: (July 21, 2019 at 7:22 pm)Brian37 Wrote: President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.
When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This infuriates the President, who then asks what could be worse than that.
The Secret Service informs them that it’s Melania’s handwriting. I've told that joke before here but is was Bill Clinton--Al Gore's urine and Hilary's handwriting. I think that joke originated with Jimmy Carter or Richard Nixon. Anyway, I think it's hilarious!
It's always nice to know that someone is thinking about you.
Especially while they're masturbating!
No truer words...
Gotta link?
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
|
