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Current time: December 15, 2024, 4:39 pm

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joke time
RE: joke time
Blondes are not as dumb as we think...

A lawyer and a blonde are seated together on a long flight, and the lawyer suggests they pass the time by playing a game. 'I'll ask you a question.  If you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.  Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5.'  The blonde is tired and just wants to have a kip, so she politely declines and starts to doze off.

But the lawyer is very persistent. 'I'll sweeten the deal,' he says.  'If you can't answer my question, you pay me the $5.  If I can't answer yours, I'll pay you $500.'  Realizing that this guy isn't going to belt up until she plays, the blonde agrees to the game and says, 'Ok. You ask first.'

The lawyer says, 'What is the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'  Without saying a word, the blonde reaches into her purse and hands the man his $5.  'Thanks,' he says. 'Your turn.'

The blonde thinks for a moment, then asks, 'Which animal has no eyes, ears or tongue, and climbs up a hill on three legs but comes down the hill on four legs?'  Seeing that the lawyer is stumped, she goes back to her nap.  Meanwhile, the lawyer is on his laptop Googling everything he can think of related to the question.  No luck.  He begins calling and emailing his friends, family and associates trying to get the answer.  Still no luck.  Realizing that he's beaten, he wakes the blonde and hands her the $500.  She thanks him and starts to return to her nap.

'Wait a minute,' he says.  'What's the answer?'




Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
He leaves.

The barman says, 'Get out! We don't serve your kind here.'

A tachyon walks into a bar.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
Latin to English dictionary entry-

Hemorrhoid : Asphalt
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: joke time
As a hobby, I've started collecting figurines of Egyptian gods.  One day, I hope to have the complete Set.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
(December 15, 2019 at 4:45 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: As a hobby, I've started collecting figurines of Egyptian gods.  One day, I hope to have the complete Set.

Boru
LOL
"Change was inevitable"


Nemo sicut deus debet esse!

[Image: Canada_Flag.jpg?v=1646203843]



 “No matter what men think, abortion is a fact of life. Women have always had them; they always have and they always will. Are they going to have good ones or bad ones? Will the good ones be reserved for the rich, while the poor women go to quacks?”
–SHIRLEY CHISHOLM


      
Reply
RE: joke time
No no no don't ping the joke post with just LOL you give kudos like what's good and proper.

See now you made me do it someone is going to see the joke post go black in their posts and get all excited that something funny was posted and their going to read this post lambasting you for a thing that I am, right now, in the process of doing!

Sorry, ok well I guess I got one

What do you get when a fake blond walks on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath!
Reply
RE: joke time
Some dark humor somewhat bad humor 


I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence.


Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.


I work with animals," the guy says to his date.  "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says
"Change was inevitable"


Nemo sicut deus debet esse!

[Image: Canada_Flag.jpg?v=1646203843]



 “No matter what men think, abortion is a fact of life. Women have always had them; they always have and they always will. Are they going to have good ones or bad ones? Will the good ones be reserved for the rich, while the poor women go to quacks?”
–SHIRLEY CHISHOLM


      
Reply
RE: joke time
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.

Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life!
Reply
RE: joke time
'Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself.  He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.' - Ron Swanson

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
(December 15, 2019 at 6:24 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote: Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.

Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life!

Direct Terry Pratchett quote.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply



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