Me as a lawyer, "Go in there, plead guilty, and ask for the death penalty."
Client, "It's a parking ticket."
Client, "It's a parking ticket."
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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Current time: December 15, 2024, 4:04 pm
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joke time
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 Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Roses are red,
Violence is fun, Hey look, there's Iggy, Now where is my gun? Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
At the hospital recently,
Nurse, "If you die, do you want to donate any organs?" Me "Yes." Nurse, "Great. What do you wish to donate?" Me, "Currently 11 hearts, 14 kidneys, 6 livers, 27 eyes (various colours), and 186 feet of small intestine." Nurse, "?" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day and the man looks over at his wife
and says “Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom. “Yes, I was right, your butt is 2″ wider than the barbecue!!!” The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off, “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie ?”
Super hero recruiter: "What's your super power?"
Me: "I have the power of hindsight." SHR: "That won't be very helpful to us." Me: "Yes, I see that now." Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
I went to a Crowded House gig last night but I couldn't get in as it was too busy.
I like my men like my whisky...
Locked in a barrel for three years with very little air... Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" RE: joke time
February 19, 2020 at 7:19 pm
(This post was last modified: February 19, 2020 at 9:26 pm by The Valkyrie.)
I've been carrying a knife with me since an attempted mugging.
Since then my muggings have been far more successful. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Apparently Kurt Cobain was good at basketball.
He didn't even miss his last shot. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" |
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