Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 15, 2024, 3:39 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
joke time
RE: joke time
(May 19, 2020 at 5:48 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I once gave up all sexual activity for the full 40 days of Lent, and it was surprisingly easy.

Just the days of Lent, mind you. For the nights of Lent, I gave up being a Samoan lumberjack.

Boru

One year, many years ago, I told my very Catholic mother that I had given up Lent for Lent.

She was not amused.

But I do it every year.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 19, 2020 at 5:53 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:
(May 19, 2020 at 5:48 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I once gave up all sexual activity for the full 40 days of Lent, and it was surprisingly easy.

Just the days of Lent, mind you. For the nights of Lent, I gave up being a Samoan lumberjack.

Boru

One year, many years ago, I told my very Catholic mother that I had given up Lent for Lent.

She was not amused.

But I do it every year.

Is she, like, a Shi'ite Catholic?
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 19, 2020 at 6:26 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote:
(May 19, 2020 at 5:53 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: One year, many years ago, I told my very Catholic mother that I had given up Lent for Lent.

She was not amused.

But I do it every year.

Is she, like, a Shi'ite Catholic?

No. Just a shite Catholic.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
Sean and Mary had been married for 45 gloriously happy years when Sean suffered a major heart attack. He recovered, but due to his greatly weakened condition, his cardiologist told him he would have to curb his marital impulses.

‘I know you two have been very affectionate all of your married life,’ said the doctor, ‘but it is vital that you both understand this. Sexual activity places a great strain on the heart. The next sex you have could kill you, Sean. I recommend that, from now on, you sleep apart.’

Greatly saddened, the couple agreed - Mary would continue sleeping in the large bedroom upstairs, while Sean would move into the first floor guest room.

This arrangement went on for a week until one night, they passed each other on the stairs at 2:00 AM. ‘Sean Murphy!’, exclaims Mary. ‘Whatever are ye doing out of bed at this ungodly hour?’

‘Well, truth be told, luv, I was coming upstairs to commit suicide.’

‘Now that’s just as well, darlin,’ says Mary with a smile. ‘I was on me way down to murder ye.’

Boru
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 19, 2020 at 7:03 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Sean and Mary had been married for 45 gloriously happy years when Sean suffered a major heart attack. He recovered, but due to his greatly weakened condition, his cardiologist told him he would have to curb his marital impulses.

‘I know you two have been very affectionate all of your married life,’ said the doctor, ‘but it is vital that you both understand this. Sexual activity places a great strain on the heart. The next sex you have could kill you, Sean. I recommend that, from now on, you sleep apart.’

Greatly saddened, the couple agreed - Mary would continue sleeping in the large bedroom upstairs, while Sean would move into the first floor guest room.

This arrangement went on for a week until one night, they passed each other on the stairs at 2:00 AM. ‘Sean Murphy!’, exclaims Mary. ‘Whatever are ye doing out of bed at this ungodly hour?’

‘Well, truth be told, luv, I was coming upstairs to commit suicide.’

‘Now that’s just as well, darlin,’ says Mary with a smile. ‘I was on me way down to murder ye.’

Boru

I wish I'd married that gal. What a way to live and die!
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 19, 2020 at 8:42 pm)Fireball Wrote:
(May 19, 2020 at 7:03 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Sean and Mary had been married for 45 gloriously happy years when Sean suffered a major heart attack. He recovered, but due to his greatly weakened condition, his cardiologist told him he would have to curb his marital impulses.

‘I know you two have been very affectionate all of your married life,’ said the doctor, ‘but it is vital that you both understand this. Sexual activity places a great strain on the heart. The next sex you have could kill you, Sean. I recommend that, from now on, you sleep apart.’

Greatly saddened, the couple agreed - Mary would continue sleeping in the large bedroom upstairs, while Sean would move into the first floor guest room.

This arrangement went on for a week until one night, they passed each other on the stairs at 2:00 AM. ‘Sean Murphy!’, exclaims Mary. ‘Whatever are ye doing out of bed at this ungodly hour?’

‘Well, truth be told, luv, I was coming upstairs to commit suicide.’

‘Now that’s just as well, darlin,’ says Mary with a smile. ‘I was on me way down to murder ye.’

Boru

I wish I'd married that gal. What a way to live and die!

If you want someone to kill you you only have to ask...




...or wait until about October 2027...


...the 5th...


...8.27 pm...

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens.
That's two years of training I'll never get back.




Reply
RE: joke time
(May 13, 2020 at 5:39 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: You don't see many old women -living in shoes or elsewhere- with "so many children she doesn't know what to do."

But you do see young ones.


Once they get old - nobody wants to fuck them.


The problem sorts itself out.

Benjamin Franklyn supposedly advised young men to sow their wild oats with old women.

"They don't yell
They don't tell
T hey don't swell
And they're grateful as hell
"
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 20, 2020 at 7:17 am)Rhondazvous Wrote:
(May 13, 2020 at 5:39 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: You don't see many old women -living in shoes or elsewhere- with "so many children she doesn't know what to do."

But you do see young ones.


Once they get old - nobody wants to fuck them.


The problem sorts itself out.

Benjamin Franklyn supposedly advised young men to sow their wild oats with old women.

"They don't yell
They don't tell
T hey don't swell
And they're grateful as hell
"

In 1776?

Yeah - "old" meant any woman over 30.....


Tongue
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 20, 2020 at 5:40 am)Little lunch Wrote: I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens.
That's two years of training I'll never get back.

Just become a bonobo and do some penis fencing. (look it up)
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2749 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18802 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4844 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 229 Guest(s)