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joke time
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 RE: joke time
October 23, 2020 at 4:51 pm
(This post was last modified: October 23, 2020 at 4:57 pm by Brian37.)
Is it just me, or does anyone else get annoyed by cable news stations leaving up "Breaking News" even when the story is hours/days old?
"Breaking News, John F Kennedy has been shot." "Breaking News, Vesuvius erupted in 79CE."  (October 23, 2020 at 4:51 pm)Brian37 Wrote: Is it just me, or does anyone else get annoyed by cable news stations leaving up "Breaking News" even when the story is hours/days old? It’s just you. Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
A pair of aliens took a break from hunting Arnie and ended up at the Vatican.
They looked around at all the priests and one saud to his companion, "I think we're at the wrong predator convention!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"  RE: joke time
October 24, 2020 at 1:09 am
(This post was last modified: October 24, 2020 at 1:51 am by Fake Messiah.)
Crocodile Dundee came to the Vatican and said: "Bloody oath! This is the meanest swamp ever!"
T 1000 came to the Vatican and said: "Wtf? Even I can't be this duplicitous." Darth Vader came to the Vatican, dropped on his knees and said: "I am a master in my galaxy, but here I am just a mere padawan. Please teach me your dark evil ways so that I can be even more evil." Godzilla came to the Vatican, started eating buildings but then gave up saying: "These buildings taste too much like little babies. I am not evil enough to have that taste in my mouth." Hannibal Lecter came to the Vatican and said: "Jeez! I eat human flesh but they do it here every day, and even make buildings in praise of eating human flesh! That's too sick. I better get out of here." Nurse Ratched came to the Vatican and said: "Ok, I deal with mental sickos all day long and torture them to death or to healing, but there is no amount of electricity for electric shocks and no amount of drugs I could ram to these sick fucks." Emmanuelle comes to Vatican and makes a PG movie because nobody fucks women in the Vatican. Peter Pan comes to Vatican but can't fly there because there are no happy thoughts for children in the Vatican, only for old pedos.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
There is an ad on tv for what is called "Peyronie's disease", and in it the announcer says, "Guys come in all shapes and sizes"................. meaning "down there". And all I can think when hearing that is, "Pretty sure nobody has a triangle or octagon or double helix."
An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
 
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment…
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him. “It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” “How does it work?” The guys pick up a hammer, give the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you a$$hole…it’s 3:30 in the god damn morning!”
My grandfather died of heart failure. His heart failed right after my grandmother stabbed him in it.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
I want to die like my grandpa - quietly in his sleep.
Unlike the yelling and screaming of the passengers on his bus...... |
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