joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Name me one non ABBA fan who doesn't want to kill me right now.

Me.

You don't really grasp how 'jokes' work, do you?

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Three men are in a pub sharing their marital troubles.

The first says, 'My wife isn't very bright. She spend $12 000 refitting the kitchen, and she doesn't even cook.'

The second says, 'It's lucky, you are. MY wife spent $40 000 on a new car, and she doesn't even drive.'

The third says, 'That's nothing. MY wife is so stupid, she bought 100 condoms for a business trip, and she doesn't even have a penis.'

Boru

[onlinebiker]

Name me one non ABBA fan who doesn't want to kill me right now.

Me.

You don't really grasp how 'jokes' work, do you?

Boru

Have you read any of his poems?

[rimshot]

[no one]

BSBIV:
You don't really grasp how 'jokes' work, do you? 

I imagine he has a mirror, or has at least seen one.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I recently noticed two large bumps on my car battery. I had them tested. One came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

I decided it was time to adopt.

So I've been investigating with multiple agencies.

So far none have Hugh Jackman or snow leopards.

[The Valkyrie]

An Irishman buys a chainsaw.

A couple of days later, he returns to the shop, throws the chainsaw on the table, and says, "I want my money back. The ad says you can cut down 60 trees a day, but I only manage 40 a day!"

The service man says, "let's take a look". He pulls the string and the chainsaw starts up, "vrrrrrrrrrr".

The customer is shocked, "what the fuck's that noise?"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two Irishmen get jobs (it could happen - shut up) installing telegraph poles. The foreman sends them each out with 20 poles and tells them to be finished and back at the yard by closing time.

6:00 PM rolls around and Pat drives his lorry onto the lot. ‘Where’s Murphy?’ asks the foreman. ‘Dunno,’ says Pat. I’ve not seen him all day.’

So the foreman waits. And waits. And waits, getting angrier and angrier. At midnight, just as he’s about to call the police, Murphy drives into the yard.

‘Where in the name of everlasting fuck have YOU been?!’ he screams at Murphy.

‘Bless ye sir, been doin’ me job - plantin’ them poles, as ye said.’

‘Your mate was back six hours ago!’

‘Oh, aye. I drove past them poles of his on me way back. The lazy sod left three-quarters of them stickin’ up outta the ground.’

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

I've invented a new scent for introverts.

It's called, "Leave Me the Fuh Cologne".

[vulcanlogician]

I've invented a new scent for introverts.

It's called, "Leave Me the Fuh Cologne".

If Calvin Klein was interested, I'd offer them my pheromones as a base ingredient. But I dunno how good the pheromones would be without my piercing stare.

This, for some reason, reminded me of a Kids in the Hall sketch.

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It's my favorite for whatever reason. Close second is the steel-toed boots one. They were so good at "that's so stupid" comedy.