joke time

[Darinda]

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. Here’s your first question,’ the foreman said. ‘Without using numbers, represent the number 9.’

‘Withouta numbers?’ the Italian says, ‘Datsa easy.’ and he proceeds to draw three trees.

‘What’s this?’ the boss asks.

‘Ave you gotta no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,’ says the Italian.

‘Fair enough,’ says the boss. ‘Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.’

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . ‘Ere you go.’

The boss scratches his head and says, ‘How on earth do you get that to represent 99?’ ‘

Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.’

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, ‘All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.’

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, ‘Ere you go. One hundred.’

The boss looks at the attempt. ‘You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!’

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, ‘A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree.

So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Here's a fool-proof method to determine whether your significant other or your dog loves you more: Lock them both in the boot of your car. After an hour, let them out and determine which one is happy to see you.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!

I had to look up phthisis.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!

I had to look up phthisis.

I had to wipe spittle off my monitor trying to pronounce it.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

I had to look up phthisis.

I had to wipe spittle off my monitor trying to pronounce it.

Boru

Reminded me of an old joke:

One cave man says to the other cave man "Always use a palm frond for head protection when the flying dinosaurs are overhead, because you never know when they're urinating...

...Their pee is silent."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Some people call me self-centered. But enough about them...

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Him, "I had to show them my grey hair before I could sign up for my pension!"

Her, "You should have shown them your willy, then we'd get disability, too!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Him, "I had to show them my grey hair before I could sign up for my pension!"

Her, "You should have shown them your willy, then we'd get disability, too!"

Feeling better?

Boru

[Darinda]

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called se⨉ual intercourse.”
“Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends.
A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called se⨉ual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!”

[vulcanlogician]

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?


In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.