joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Here's a fool-proof method to determine whether your significant other or your dog loves you more: Lock them both in the boot of your car. After an hour, let them out and determine which one is happy to see you.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!

I had to look up phthisis.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!

I had to look up phthisis.

I had to wipe spittle off my monitor trying to pronounce it.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

I had to look up phthisis.

I had to wipe spittle off my monitor trying to pronounce it.

Boru

Reminded me of an old joke:

One cave man says to the other cave man "Always use a palm frond for head protection when the flying dinosaurs are overhead, because you never know when they're urinating...

...Their pee is silent."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Some people call me self-centered. But enough about them...

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Him, "I had to show them my grey hair before I could sign up for my pension!"

Her, "You should have shown them your willy, then we'd get disability, too!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Him, "I had to show them my grey hair before I could sign up for my pension!"

Her, "You should have shown them your willy, then we'd get disability, too!"

Feeling better?

Boru

[Darinda]

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called se⨉ual intercourse.”
“Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends.
A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called se⨉ual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!”

[vulcanlogician]

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?


In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

[onlinebiker]

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?


In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

And there's a penalty for early withdrawl....