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RE: joke time
January 11, 2022 at 4:57 am
(This post was last modified: January 11, 2022 at 5:16 am by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
The county coroner comes home from a rough day at work, sporting a beaut of a black eye. His wife says, 'Oh, my God! What happened to your eye?"
'It all started when I got a call from one of my assistants. It seems a man died at a local brothel, but they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had a massive erection. So, I went to help. When I got there, I was directed to the room. Sure enough, there was a man on the bed with an erection that would shame Man O' War. Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half.'
'Ok, but what about the black eye?'
'Wrong room.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
January 12, 2022 at 12:27 pm
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
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RE: joke time
January 12, 2022 at 3:23 pm
Her: You know, sometimes you can be a little bit sexist.
Me: Now hold on there, Sugar Tits…
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
January 12, 2022 at 3:50 pm
(This post was last modified: January 12, 2022 at 3:50 pm by The Valkyrie.)
Apparently it's 'rude' and 'impolite' to tap someone on the forehead and say, 'skip intro', when you meet them and they start talking.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
January 12, 2022 at 5:54 pm
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”
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RE: joke time
January 13, 2022 at 4:24 am
Me (in high school): 'Mum, I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend.'
Mum: 'You couldn't find anything better?'
Me: 'Don't be like that - I love her!'
Mum: 'Wasn't talking to you.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
January 13, 2022 at 11:11 am
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.
He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”
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RE: joke time
January 13, 2022 at 8:38 pm
The poor man asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?” The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.” The poor man asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?” The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them.”
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, “A pair of slippers and a dildo.”
The rich man asks, “Why those two things?” The poor man astutely reponds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go f*ck herself.
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RE: joke time
January 13, 2022 at 9:36 pm
(January 13, 2022 at 8:38 pm)Darinda Wrote: The poor man asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?” The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.” The poor man asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?” The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them.”
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, “A pair of slippers and a dildo.”
The rich man asks, “Why those two things?” The poor man astutely reponds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go f*ck herself.
I gave this kudos after two women did. Hope I'm safe. <.< >.>
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
January 13, 2022 at 10:51 pm
(January 13, 2022 at 9:36 pm)Fireball Wrote: (January 13, 2022 at 8:38 pm)Darinda Wrote: The poor man asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?” The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.” The poor man asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?” The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them.”
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, “A pair of slippers and a dildo.”
The rich man asks, “Why those two things?” The poor man astutely reponds, “This way, if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go f*ck herself.
I gave this kudos after two women did. Hope I'm safe. <.< >.>
Going after two women is *never* safe.
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