Divorce and the kids

[Raeven]

In my career working in courtrooms, I was fortunate to never work for a judge who regularly did Domestic Relations calendars. But there was no way to dodge doing them entirely. Occasionally I subbed in a DR courtroom with a judge who really knew her stuff on the subject. She had a stock lecture for parents who were fighting over their children: Don't. Fight over the house, the money, the pets and the plants, but don't fight over your kids. Learn to co-parent, whatever it takes, and don't use your children as weapons in your messy divorce. Kids are smart; they will figure it out. And when they do, it the bad parent(s) who put them in the middle will pay the price -- possibly for the rest of their lives. I did see that borne out again and again.

My parents divorced when I was 9. They had split and gotten back together a few times. When they split for good, I and my siblings cried. With RELIEF. Two more ill-matched persons there never were. Their fights were protracted and violent. We were so relieved and happy when they finally threw in the towel once and for all. My father went on to marry a wonderful woman who was 16 years his junior. Everyone said it wouldn't last. They will celebrate their 44th wedding anniversary in 2014, and I got the best stepmother in the world. I was so glad to have their wonderful, successful marriage as an example in my own life.

I agree with all others here who have weighed in on the subject: Staying together "for the sake of the children" sucks the big green weenie.

[Captain Colostomy]

I've spent twenty years working on my wife's distrust of men thanks to her parent's acrimonious split. Them two still...30+ years later, fight something horrible. So divorce can damage kids. I think the secret is to remain amicable, even if that cocksucker of a deadbeat deserves a crowbar to the skull. Kids are like sponges, so show them how proper adults can be, and they'll manage fine.

You are a sweetheart, Ivy...don't let this shit take that away from you.

[Minimalist]

The kids will feel shit about it, sure; but they'll get over it.

The kids may appreciate the peace and quiet. People are never as discrete as they think they are and kids are not as dumb as adults think.

[Fruity]

Thank you for responding. It helps!

I think this is a time when they need plenty of attention and communication. My kids won't miss out on that.

[Brakeman]

In my opinion,

If humans were ducks, we'd look at the ducks switching partners and we would laugh because we would see that there really isn't much difference from the previous duck to the next.
We're not so individually different that the vast majority of first marriages couldn't last, it is simply that we don't make it a priority in life to learn the skills of how to get along with one another and learn what makes each other tick in a relationship. If you fight with your husband or wife often enough to disturb the kids, then you aren't going to be any happier in the next relationship if you don't learn how to properly relate to someone. Furthermore, you won't be able to teach your kids about healthy relationships either.

Chronic fighting is already divorced, you just haven't moved out yet.

[Fruity]

If humans were ducks? But, we aren't. There's a lot of difference between one person and the next. If love doesn't happen, then why stick it out? There are things that skills can't fix. Then there are kids that have to witness broken pieces every day because the parents are too hard headed to know that divorce is wiser.

How can one learn skills to live in peace with someone that won't accept part of the responsibility of fixing a problem? Some people talk, others have no clue how to do that. Some people are inclined to make the partner feel loved, others are clowns that love to bully. Tell these people that if we were ducks we would get it and laugh. Omg ha! Like ducks we are... Why didn't I think of that? This whole time it was that easy. 8 years of blindness! Tell that to the women with black eyes. Tell that to the husbands of cheaters. Tell that to my broken furniture.

[Angrboda]

Somebody in this thread is obviously not a connoisseur of fine ducks.

*quack*

[Minimalist]

[Walking Void]

I say divorce is sometimes for beat the kids.

[Fruity]

Lol awww I tried fixing that