Friends with benefits?

[*Deidre*]

I will not post in this thread. I'm scurred!



Oh wait...

Hmmm....

[paulpablo]

What do you all think about the concept of ‘friends with benefits?’

Asked two of my offline Christian friends and they say it ‘cheapens your worth in a man’s eyes.’
My offline atheist friends say ‘nothing wrong with it, but if feelings emerge, it can ruin the friendships.’

Hmmm. I don’t want to get serious with anyone, but hanging out with someone in a ‘mutually beneficial’ arrangement, sounds…appealing.

Would be interested in your ideas about it, and if you have stories to share of your own. (good or bad)

There's no clear cut rules to this. Everything you mentioned here can happen in my experience.
It can cheapen your worth in a mans eyes, in my opinion not always a bad thing. Good sex can ruin friendships and friendships can ruin good sexual relationships. Sometimes neither of those things happens. Sometimes it can feel a bit odd to sit around and talk about star trek with a girl who you have just been calling a dirty bitch while slapping her ass but not always.

[*Deidre*]

You should to choose friends those give you more benefit in the life.

Best. Post. Ever. I so hope you are the real deal, and not a puppet or troll.

Anyway. This is a tough one. I had two friends who were more or less inseparable buddies. At social gatherings it was unthinkable to not see them together -- they were a package deal. Then both of them became single at the same time and they started sleeping together in that type of arrangement. It ruined their friendship for some reason.
I had a similar experience once with a woman I met on a dating site. We didn't fit together romantically but we enjoyed eachother's company. Then one night we got inubriated and one thing led to another. After that, she didn't want to see me any more. I've tried to guess why, but I don't really know.
This kind of stuff, its really hard to be logical about it. I think its difficult to avoid strange feelings from arising, or one party from getting too attached. I believe that the desire to procreate is the greatest force we carry within ourselves. It shouldn't be taken lightly.

You make great points. Sometimes, sex changes things, for the worse. Sex bonds people, even if no love is present between the two. It biologically does this. So, this woman might have felt bonded with you, and she couldn't deal with that, so fled.

Fight or flight response? haha Just kidding!

But, yes...I hear you and what others have posted. I don't need love to have sex, but the person I have in mind, I'd hate for the friendship to be ruined over a few orgasms. That would be stupid.

[ShaMan]

I am divided...

In one sense, I think it's great for two adults to engage in mutually consensual sexual relations. On the other hand, I am conflicted, because I have seen the connection that FWB initiates between two entities, and unless one is centered and well grounded, the experience can cause a great deal of upset in one or both of the lives of the respective parties involved. That being said; I think it's perfectly acceptable for two unmarried (or married) adults to have a monogamous sexual relationship with one another, but multiple partners is ill-advised unless one is mature enough to accept the overall ramifications of such relationships.

[The Valkyrie]

I don't have a problem with it. In fact I've recently started such a relationship with an old friend.

[sven]

Sex bonds people, even if no love is present between the two. It biologically does this.

Yes. That's what I was trying to say. Though you expressed it in a better way.

[*Deidre*]

I don't have a problem with it. In fact I've recently started such a relationship with an old friend.

I remember you mentioning this in another thread. Maybe it works best with rekindled friendships. haha

[The Valkyrie]

I don't have a problem with it. In fact I've recently started such a relationship with an old friend.

I remember you mentioning this in another thread. Maybe it works best with rekindled friendships. haha

We're friends. We socialise a little with each other but not a lot, otherwise.

I think part of the secret is just to not overdo it.

And, seriously, he was shy until we got down to it.

If the guy is too eager, or someone you work with or see a lot, I'm not sure it would work.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

Hmm...

Yep...

*ALL OF MY FRIENDS*

Are friends I want to have "benefits" with.

Just checking.

[*Deidre*]

I remember you mentioning this in another thread. Maybe it works best with rekindled friendships. haha

We're friends. We socialise a little with each other but not a lot, otherwise.

I think part of the secret is just to not overdo it.

And, seriously, he was shy until we got down to it.

If the guy is too eager, or someone you work with or see a lot, I'm not sure it would work.

I think it's cool that you and he make it work. This guy and I have been friends for some time now. And no one sets out to say...ok, let's become fwb. lol But, for example, he rubs my back. I rub his. And we both look at each other like...ummmm....can I haz more? hehe But, we tend to stop, and call it a night...he goes home/I go home.

Honestly, think we are both afraid of ruining our frienship, no matter how aroused we make one another. :p

I suppose that's good. Shows I put my friendship before my sexual needs. See? I'm so altruistic. :p