Spare the rod, spoil the child

[pocaracas]

ah... kids... little bundles of joy, or so they say...

Then you hear stories...
Stories of parents who never ever had to even raise their voices at their kids... and they never misbehaved.

And you compare your kids to those and realize... it's impossible not to lose your mind with my kids!! Those parents in those stories, would have gone through hell with my kids.

Reality is, each kid is an individual human being, complete with a personality and all that... Some have mushy personalities and always do what you say... up until they get pregnant at 14.
And then some are twisted and always ready for battle... and never want to do what you think is better for them... never!!

My theory is that between one and about 8 years old, a slap here or there, as required, will do good. It's better to slap them when they do something dangerous that could lead to much bigger injuries, so they remember it, hopefully, than just telling them how it's wrong and talk talk talk which is just wind... and easily forgotten. The reflex of pain avoidance is a good one, if it's there for the right reasons and you never damage anything...

My eldest has always been the worst behaved of the bunch and, nowadays, I only need to raise my voice and rasp a short order. Everyone turns to attention and obeys.
Of course, this raising of the voice comes after the attempt to convey the message through normal discourse, once... twice... thr... yell!
And is then followed by something like "why is it that you only listen when I scream? why? why don't you just do things when I tell you?"
They never answer...


Now, spankings... I don't like them. A slap here or there is enough. Is a slap a spanking?

First-world punishments for the elder kids:
- One day with no computer access... stretching to one week or month or until the end of the school year, as required.
- No TV (this is impossible when you have more than one kid, as it either becomes a punishment for all or none) - I use it when they're eating and can't get their eyes of the telly... first I pause it, and if they don't finish their plates in 5 minutes, I reason that the phosphorous on the screen is getting damaged and so I turn it off.
- I haven't reached the point where my kids have their own mobile phones... but confiscation of the phone for a day, week, etc... might do wonders, specially now that these devices can do anything a computer does, specially games!

[beentheredonethat]

If we were a true Christian Society none of this would happen.

Shame on all you disgusting blokes for encouraging atheism and blasphemy. All of this bad stuff is all on your neck.

[Napoléon]

Wow. That's an almost religious level of zeal!

By all means, show me this evidence.

Oh for fuck sake. No. I won't do your homework for you. If you want to be ignorant, fine. This isn't even a point which should be debated and I'm certainly not going to waste my time doing so.

*edit*

In fact, why don't you just read this wiki article on corporal punishment, and make up your own mind: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_pu...n_the_home

This bit especially: "In countries such as the US and UK, spanking is legal but overt child abuse is both illegal and highly stigmatized socially. Because of this, any parent who has ever spanked a child would find it extremely difficult to accept the research findings. If they did acknowledge, even in the smallest way, that spanking was harmful, they would likely feel they are admitting they harmed their own child and thus are a child abuser."

[FatAndFaithless]

If we were a true Christian Society none of this would happen.

Shame on all you disgusting blokes for encouraging atheism and blasphemy. All of this bad stuff is all on your neck.

Good one.

[The Grand Nudger]

First-world punishments for the elder kids:

---

- One day with no computer access... stretching to one week or month or until the end of the school year, as required.
- No TV (this is impossible when you have more than one kid, as it either becomes a punishment for all or none) - I use it when they're eating and can't get their eyes of the telly... first I pause it, and if they don't finish their plates in 5 minutes, I reason that the phosphorous on the screen is getting damaged and so I turn it off.
- I haven't reached the point where my kids have their own mobile phones... but confiscation of the phone for a day, week, etc... might do wonders, specially now that these devices can do anything a computer does, specially games!

---

Those all sound pretty good. Amusingly, about the "No TV" bit - that's my favorite..it's my favorite -because- it punishes them collectively for the actions of the individual. "All together or not at all" daddy always says. I want them to police themselves and each other. It's a core value I'm trying to sear into their minds positively and negatively.

[Dystopia]

First-world punishments for the elder kids:

---

- One day with no computer access... stretching to one week or month or until the end of the school year, as required.
- No TV (this is impossible when you have more than one kid, as it either becomes a punishment for all or none) - I use it when they're eating and can't get their eyes of the telly... first I pause it, and if they don't finish their plates in 5 minutes, I reason that the phosphorous on the screen is getting damaged and so I turn it off.
- I haven't reached the point where my kids have their own mobile phones... but confiscation of the phone for a day, week, etc... might do wonders, specially now that these devices can do anything a computer does, specially games!

---

Those all sound pretty good. Amusingly, about the "No TV" bit - that's my favorite..it's my favorite -because- it punishes them collectively for the actions of the individual. "All together or not at all" daddy always says. I want them to police themselves and each other. It's a core value I'm trying to sear into their minds positively and negatively.

I highly suspect by the time I have kids the no TV won't make a difference since most programs/channels will be watched on PC's or tablets, my baby brother already watches cartoons on our laptop, we have the advantage to pick when he watches and what specifically. It's a very nice core value, however I tend to think indoctrinating a too much collective mentality is not the way to go. I never got punished for the actions of my sister nor did she for mine, in a certain way individual guilt has a certain prevalence since making someone responsible for something they didn't do is not proportional by nature. I'd say the following - One for all and all for one, BUT individual guilt will always exist.

I disagree partially with the punishments of taking away TV, cellphone or video games, etc. Why? Very simple, it never worked for me, I'd find a way to turn the tide, by playing console on a friend's house, watching TV secretly or using another cellphone, if my kid turns out to be as smart (maybe cheater would best apply here) then he would find a way, and the punishment will just be seen as 'boring stuff that won't change behavior at all'. The best way to punish me was my mum telling me 'I'm mad at you', nothing worked better, I always repented and fixed things.

[The Grand Nudger]

When kids learn to cheat, to get over on us, they're flexing their intellectual might. It's not really a bad thing, even though it is extremely annoying. Find me a rule or system that withstand the scrutiny of a gamer...lol. That's my take on that, anyway. Opinions vary.

[Chad32]

Probably the best thing to do is to take this figuratively. It's not like everyone uses a rod specifically anyway. Taking away their things temporarily could be considered the rod as well.

[The Grand Nudger]

Stretching it though, isn't it? Hitting them over the head with the tv is more like "the rod".

[Dystopia]

I agree that kids crossing the line and lying their parents is extremely annoying, however I must find an effective form of punishment, something a child will see as a correction without thinking of it as 'boring shit with no use for me', like I occasionally did. I got spanked in the butt once in a while, usually by hand and only 2 or 3 strong slaps, it didn't hurt me receiving it, after 13 years old I stopped being spanked at all. The few punishments I had of taking away cellphones or video games didn't work, I fixed things because I wanted to, (I saw meaning and usefulness in improving myself, even as a 6 year old) not because I was punished, but then again I was always a very polite and educated kid, never caused trouble, never failed classes, never broke lamps. Perhaps some small mistakes, but nothing to significant.