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RE: joke time
September 3, 2014 at 11:03 pm
(This post was last modified: September 3, 2014 at 11:08 pm by Losty.)
(September 3, 2014 at 8:43 pm)Little lunch Wrote: This bloke comes in to work with a big grin on his face and his work mate asks him if he got lucky the night before.
'I sure did', he said. 'I was walking down along the railway and I found a woman tied to the tracks. I untied her, took her in the forest and got to do everything I ever dreamed of.'
'Wow', said his mate, 'did she give you a gobby'.
'Nah, I never found the head unfortunately'.
![[Image: 34.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=donkeykongforum.com%2FSmileys%2Fdefault%2F34.gif)
Illegal firearm 
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay
0/10
Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 9:55 am
What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a blowjob?
I'll tell you over lunch.
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 11:18 am
I tried to change my Google password to "penis". It told me my password was too short. 
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho
On the subject of those leaked celebrity nude pics, well clearly on the one hand it's a gross violation of privacy. On the other hand... well, that hand's rather busy.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 12:13 pm
What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
The fridge never farts when you pull the meat out.
Speaking of farts, I let one go in the shopping centre the other day.
Four people turned to look at me and I felt like I was on 'The Voice'.
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 5:10 pm
A pub that catered especially to roads was doing a booming business. One day, an express route walks in and orders a drink. Looking round the place, he notices a road seated in the corner, drinking alone and muttering to himself. Calling the barman over, the express route says, 'What's the story on him in the corner, then?'
'Completely crazy', answers the barman. 'That's one's a real cycle-path.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 7:33 pm
A guy comes wobbling out of a country pub after a pleasantly convivial evening. As he goes past a field, he sees a white horse looking at him over the wall.
"Hey," he says to the horse, "they've got a drink named after you in there!"
"What, Barry?" says the horse.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 7:50 pm
Seamus is on his death bed, surrounded by his wife and four sons. Three of the lads are the biggest, brawest things you ever saw, but the fourth is a puny, wee nothing of a man.
Seamus beckons to his missus. 'Mary...me darlin' Mary...I'm goin' love...'
'I know, Seamus. Don't hang about now.'
'Before I depart this life, Mary, tell me for true - that pale, undersized, weedy runt at the foot of the bed...is he truly my own son?'
Weeping for her impending loss, Mary tells him, 'Aye Seamus. I swear by the blessed Virgin and all the saints and angels, he's your son.' This news is all it takes, and Seamus breathes his last.
Mary gives a sigh, rolls her eyes heavenward and says, 'Thank Jaysus he didn't ask about the other three.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 7:51 pm
(September 4, 2014 at 7:33 pm)Stimbo Wrote: A guy comes wobbling out of a country pub after a pleasantly convivial evening. As he goes past a field, he sees a white horse looking at him over the wall.
"Hey," he says to the horse, "they've got a drink named after you in there!"
"What, Barry?" says the horse.
Bastard! You stole my Kevin the grasshopper joke!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
September 4, 2014 at 9:24 pm
Not a joke but I thought I'd share it:
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
September 5, 2014 at 4:54 am
Here's a paraphrased Emo Philips one....come to think of it, I'm not even positive it's Emo Philips. Here's my paraphrased version of a joke that's certainly by somebody:
When I was a kid, I used to pray for a bike. Then one day I realized that this isn't how God works. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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