Posts: 46313
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 3:29 am
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.' He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's COOL!!'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 5492
Threads: 53
Joined: September 4, 2014
Reputation:
55
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 3:51 am
Here's an old quick one. It's probably in this thread but I'm too lazy to check at the moment.
Two goldfish are in a tank. The first goldfish looks at the other one and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 8:14 am
Two lions are walking around London. The one turns to the other and says, "Not many people about, are there?"
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 8:16 am
A new zoo has opened up in my town. They can only afford one animal, a small dog.
It's a shih tzu.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 28389
Threads: 226
Joined: March 24, 2014
Reputation:
185
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 8:31 am
(October 15, 2014 at 2:45 am)Stimbo Wrote: He's a bit like me on a good day.
Eh, girls?
You're sexy on all the days
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay
0/10
Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 9:14 am
Aww... 
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 46313
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 6:34 pm
Two university students meet up in the town one morning, and one of them is riding a very expensive bicycle.
'Wow,' says his friend. 'How on earth could you afford that?'
'Cost nothing,' the cyclist said. 'I was in the park yesterday, when a gorgeous woman rides up on this bike, stops in front of me. She then drops the bike on the ground, takes off all her clothes and tells me, "Take whatever you want!" '
His friend pauses a moment and says, 'Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 7:09 pm
I went into the pet shop yesterday for a breeding pair of birds. The assistant asked me if I'd got a store card.
"No," I told her, "but I did get a budgie excited once."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 7:11 pm
(October 15, 2014 at 7:09 pm)Stimbo Wrote: I went into the pet shop yesterday for a breeding pair of birds. The assistant asked me if I'd got a store card.
"No," I told her, "but I did get a budgie excited once."
An oldie but a goodie.
What was born to succeed?
A budgie with a blunt beak.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 2234
Threads: 89
Joined: February 20, 2014
Reputation:
33
RE: joke time
October 15, 2014 at 7:17 pm
The first english joke I was ever told when I was very young :
why was the battery arrested, cuz it was charged with electricity .
|
![[Image: eUdzMRc.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i.imgur.com%2FeUdzMRc.gif)
