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joke time
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My plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Was it a book on anti-gravity? Those are impossible to put down.
In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson 
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, 'I'll have a beer.' The second says, 'I'll have half a beer.' The third says, 'I'll have a quarter of a beer.' The barman pulls out just two beers. The mathematicians all say, 'That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on that?' The barmanr says, 'Come on lads. Know your limits.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
 RE: joke time
October 13, 2014 at 9:33 pm
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2014 at 9:35 pm by Thumpalumpacus.)
Mom is driving her young daughter to a dance class behind a trash truck, when suddenly out of the truck, a used dildo flies out, smacks their windshield, bounces off.
Mom, trying to ward off her daughter's obvious question, says, "That was the strangest looking butterfly I've ever seen!" Daughter replies, "I know! Did you see the size of the cock on that thing?!" (October 12, 2014 at 5:58 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:(October 12, 2014 at 5:04 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Weird. Can't believe no one but Losty got this pun ... damn. 
In a similar vein,
A little girl is walking home from school in Hobart when a car pulls up next to her. The door opens and the driver leans out saying, "Hello little girl. Would you like a swwetie?" The girl looks at him and then replies, "Okay, but show us your prick first!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" RE: joke time
October 13, 2014 at 9:42 pm
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2014 at 9:42 pm by Cyberman.)
(October 13, 2014 at 9:33 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Can't believe no one but Losty got this pun ... damn. I wanted to get it, something kept telling me I ought to get it, but all I could make from it was 'diss turbans'.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
When I wrote it, I was thinking "dis-turbaned" -- because a bomb'll take your head -- and headgear -- off.
Oh well, back to the drawing board, this frog is dead.  (October 13, 2014 at 9:33 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Mom is driving her young daughter to a dance class behind a trash truck, when suddenly out of the truck, a used dildo flies out, smacks their windshield, bounces off. Losty has a special place in her heart for those who know how to make good puns. 
A fella's wending his way hope from the pub one night, when he decides to save a bit of legwork by taking a shortcut through the local cemetery. What he didn't know was that a funeral had been scheduled for the next day, and he tumbled into the open (yet so far empty) grave.
After a few futile attempts to extricate himself, he decides he might as well sleep there, his reasoning being that someone will be by in the morning to help him out. Just as he's making himself comfortable for the remainder of the night, another inebriated man falls into the grave and doesn't notice that it's already occupied by another pub patron. Naturally enough, the newcomer tries to climb out, but the earthen sides of the grave give way and he slides back down. After watching his new companion silently for a minute or two, the original drunk steps quietly forward, places his hand on the newcomer's shoulder and says, 'You'll never get out.' He did. Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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