Would you be flattered if a gay person said they fancied you?

[brewer]

Gay man: flattered. Gay woman: stunned. Person my age: repulsed, see enough wrinkles an age spots in the mirror.

[emjay]

I feel kind of awkward talking about this now after Rev Rye shared his experience. If people don't take no for an answer then it becomes harassment, or worse. I know what that's like because I have had three people obsessed with me and one of them still sends me friend requests on Facebook from time to time to which I keep declining. I could block him but I don't want to antagonize him - rather just let him assume in his deluded thinking that I missed his request. Maybe he'll get the message one day. What I was really talking about was just flirting among friends, not strangers, and as I said, only if they're game.

Well, I never flirt with gay men.  The only men I ever "flirt" with are friends and acquaintances who are a little bit homophobic, and then it is to make them squirm a bit and try to get them to see how silly they are being.

I can just picture that But seriously, if people are genuinely homophobic - as in a fear like any other rather than homo-hating if it's different - I'd rather not make them feel uncomfortable, just as I'd rather not wave a spider in front of an arachnophobic person. That's what I wanna know about with this thread.

[Cyberman]

I'd be very flattered. Also unconvinced that they were lying, but that's just me.

[emjay]

Why wouldn't you be?

The potential problem comes down to this. I think it's natural to feel flattered when someone gives you a compliment. But I got to wondering whether everybody does see it as a compliment. If you say you fancy someone, that's quite a general statement which the other can then ask 'what is it they find attractive about me?'. In the absence of further information people may jump to their own conclusions. And if they're homophobic and have notions about what a gay person finds attractive, then they may actually conclude 'he fancies me because he thinks I'm gay, or effeminate' or whatever and therefore take it as an insult. The problem with all of that basically coming from the statement being general whereas perhaps it wouldn't be a problem with more specific compliments like 'you've got a great six-pack' because that sort of compliment can't be misunderstood. It's just a theory and I wonder if there's any truth in it, hence the thread.

[Excited Penguin]

Well, I never flirt with gay men.  The only men I ever "flirt" with are friends and acquaintances who are a little bit homophobic, and then it is to make them squirm a bit and try to get them to see how silly they are being.

I can just picture that   But seriously, if people are genuinely homophobic - as in a fear like any other rather than homo-hating if it's different - I'd rather not make them feel uncomfortable, just as I'd rather not wave a spider in front of an arachnophobic person. That's what I wanna know about with this thread.

  Thanks for mentioning , now I won't be able to sleep or smth.

[Pyrrho]

Well, I never flirt with gay men.  The only men I ever "flirt" with are friends and acquaintances who are a little bit homophobic, and then it is to make them squirm a bit and try to get them to see how silly they are being.

I can just picture that   But seriously, if people are genuinely homophobic - as in a fear like any other rather than homo-hating if it's different - I'd rather not make them feel uncomfortable, just as I'd rather not wave a spider in front of an arachnophobic person. That's what I wanna know about with this thread.

Well, I think it is good for them to squirm a bit.  We are talking about a potential source of discrimination.  They should come to terms with their own sexuality, and not be bothered by what other people are doing regarding this.

By the way, if you are a straight man and want to do this, you put your hand on your guy friend's upper arm or shoulder, smile at him, and say he looks nice or has beautiful eyes or some such thing.  You then laugh at him when he squirms.  Very easy, as well as fun and educational!

It also illustrates the fact that actual gay guys are not doing this, and so they are worrying about nothing.  Nothing, unless they are secretly gay and wish that gay guys were coming on to them.  That is, of course, a very real possibility.  But whatever their issues, they should come to terms with this and not discriminate against gay people.

[Longhorn]

I'm bi. So like, whatever

Are you male or female? I've always assumed female by the way you talk (and the prevalence of 's ) but then at one time you had a really cute, male, avatar pic - the guy smoking something.

I'd tell you, but it's more fun to keep you guessing
and whaaat? I don't use that a lot at all

and yea, that was Sid Wilson

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*sigh*

[Pyrrho]

Why wouldn't you be?

The potential problem comes down to this. I think it's natural to feel flattered when someone gives you a compliment. But I got to wondering whether everybody does see it as a compliment. If you say you fancy someone, that's quite a general statement which the other can then ask 'what is it they find attractive about me?'. In the absence of further information people may jump to their own conclusions. And if they're homophobic and have notions about what a gay person finds attractive, then they may actually conclude 'he fancies me because he thinks I'm gay, or effeminate' or whatever and therefore take it as an insult. The problem with all of that basically coming from the statement being general whereas perhaps it wouldn't be a problem with more specific compliments like 'you've got a great six-pack' because that sort of compliment can't be misunderstood. It's just a theory and I wonder if there's any truth in it, hence the thread.

I think you are right to be concerned about how a homophobe may react.  My "flirting" experiment suggests that if the person is homophobic, they are not going to like it.  (Though if they are a closeted gay person, which is more than just a little bit possible, they might be conflicted and simultaneously like it.)

[Regina]

Yes



Ok seriously, if I flip this on it's head to "if a straight girl liked me", yes I'd still be flattered. I'd be wondering what they'd been smoking to not notice I am gay but it is a compliment.

[emjay]

Are you male or female? I've always assumed female by the way you talk (and the prevalence of   's ) but then at one time you had a really cute, male, avatar pic - the guy smoking something.

I'd tell you, but it's more fun to keep you guessing
and whaaat? I don't use that a lot at all

and yea, that was Sid Wilson

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*sigh*

My money's on female

So who's Sid Wilson?