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RE: joke time
March 4, 2016 at 9:37 pm
Benny was walking through the forest in Arabia when he came upon an urn. He picked it up and a genie came out.
Genie: Thanks for letting me out of that urn. Just for that you have one wish.
Benny: I thought I was supposed to get three wishes.
Genie: Yes, well we’re downsizing.
So Benny decided he wanted to be the richest man on earth because he knew if he had a lot of money he could buy everything else he wanted.
Genie: You may have your wish on one condition. You must never shave your beard.
Benny: No problem.
So for ten years Benny was the richest man on earth. By then his beard had grown all the way down to his knees.
Benny: I don’t need that genie anymore. I’m the richest man on earth.
So Benny shaved his beard. Immediately the genie appeared and turned Benny into an urn.
The moral of this story is a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
March 9, 2016 at 6:23 am
(This post was last modified: March 9, 2016 at 6:26 am by ignoramus.)
Guys, did you realise that a hippo and a zippo are almost the same thing?
One's a really heavy animal and the other is just a little lighter.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
March 9, 2016 at 8:39 am
Why does the Easter Bunny hide it's eggs?
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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RE: joke time
March 9, 2016 at 10:46 am
What did the blind man say when he walked past the fishmongers?...."Hello ladies"
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RE: joke time
March 9, 2016 at 8:26 pm
Two fellas are wending their way home from the pub, both pleasantly boiled. When they reach the first one's house, he says, 'The minute I'm inside that door, I'm going to tear my wife's knickers off!'
'Why?' asks his mate.
'Because the elastic is chaffing me something fierce.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
March 10, 2016 at 2:29 pm
Who won the first tour de france?
The 7th Panzer Division.
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. For if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes unto you."
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RE: joke time
March 10, 2016 at 9:56 pm
Look Out: Ship ahoy. Cap’n, there are two pirate ships to starboard.
Cap’n: Get me my red shirt! Get me my red shirt!
Someone brought his red shirt. When the pirates boarded the ship the cap’n fought bravely beside his men and they beat the pirates off.
One of the sailors: Cap'n, why do you ask for your red shirt when the pirates come?
Cap’n: I ask for my red shirt so that if I’m struck you will not see my blood and become discouraged.
All those hardy sailors were touched to the heart. They hoisted the cap’n up and held a big celebration.
Sailors singing: For he’s a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.
The next day, the lookout called down again.
Look Out: Ship ahoy. Cap’n, there are ten pirate ships to starboard.
Cap’n: Get me my brown pants! Get me my brown pants!
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
March 11, 2016 at 7:30 am
I overheard two female co-workers yesterday talking about some fat, creepy guy that was listening in on their conversation.
By the time I looked he appeared to have taken off.
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RE: joke time
March 11, 2016 at 9:10 pm
I told my girlfriend she'd look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
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RE: joke time
March 12, 2016 at 7:39 pm
A guy gave his girlfriend some chocolate mousse for her birthday.
GF: What’s this?
Guy: Its mousse.
GF: Oh mousse! Oh I love mousse.
To his astonishment she took it into the bathroom. 30 minutes later she emerged patting her hair.
GF: I don’t know. It’s kinda sticky. Maybe it will look better when it’s dry.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
