Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness you only have ten to live."
Patient: "What do you mean ten? Ten months? Ten weeks?"
Doctor: "Nine."
Patient: "What do you mean ten? Ten months? Ten weeks?"
Doctor: "Nine."
joke time
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Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness you only have ten to live."
Patient: "What do you mean ten? Ten months? Ten weeks?" Doctor: "Nine." Quote:"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months." (December 12, 2017 at 9:54 pm)Haipule Wrote: True story: Remember that some little old ladies don't want to cross the road. These ones need "persuasion".
Dying to live, living to die.
(December 13, 2017 at 1:13 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:(December 12, 2017 at 9:54 pm)Haipule Wrote: True story:
Another Henny Youngman classic:
Quote:There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
I once locked my keys in the car. Took me an hour to get out.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
RE: joke time
December 13, 2017 at 9:18 pm
(This post was last modified: December 13, 2017 at 10:02 pm by chimp3.)
(December 13, 2017 at 4:31 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Another Henny Youngman classic: A story about Henny Youngman: A friend of Youngman's went with him to the ballet. Youngman watched the ballet quietly. After they were out of the theatre Youngman said "Why don't they just hire taller girls?"
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
I am an optician by trade. I put the first pair of eyeglasses on a young woman and ask, "Am I handsome?" They always say "yes" but, I'm glad I'm the first thing they see!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
A little boy asks a driver :
- Could you give me a ride, please? I'm late for school. - But I'm heading in the opposite direction, son. - Even better! A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, `I`m so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died.` The man was very upset and yelled, `You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn`t come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.` The brother thought about it and apologized. `So how`s Mom?` asked the man. `She`s on the roof and won`t come down.` Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, `What are you up to there, Nancy?` `My goldfish died,` replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, `and I`ve just buried him.` The neighbor was concerned, `That`s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn`t it?` Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, `That`s because he`s inside your stupid cat.`
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.” “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day." |
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