joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Me, "This is hard for me to say."

Patient, "It can't be."

Me, "What?"

Patient, "This.  You literally just said it."

Me, "You have three weeks to live and I honestly wish it was less."

Surgeon’s motto: ‘There is nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.’ (MPFC)

Boru

Beccs' motto: as above but with "or end abruptly" at the end.

[Little lunch]

That's not fair.
How'd you get to have you're own motto?

[The Valkyrie]

That's not fair.
How'd you get to have you're own motto?

Incriminating pictures of the surgeon general...

Also, I have a number of mottos...

"Who dares gets stabbed",

"Just kill it!",

"I'm hating it so it's gonna die"...

[The Valkyrie]

I keep getting emails from a furniture shop for all kinds of sales.

All I wanted was one night stand.

[The Valkyrie]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping.

In the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson and said, "Watson. Look up and tell me what you see."

Watson rubbed the sleep from his eyes and said, "I see a beautiful clear sky filled with millions of stars."

Holmes replied, "And what do you deduce from that?"

"Well, Holmes," says Watson, "If there are millions upon millions of stars, and even only a fraction of those have planets, and only a fraction of those planets can support life, then we can deduce that we are not alone in the universe and that there is other intelligent life out there."

He gives Holmes a confident smile.

"No, Watson," says Holmes, "What we can deduce is that some bastard stole our tent!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Similar:

Watson - always in the habit of rising late in the morning - comes down to find Holmes already at breakfast.  After the usual pleasantries, Holmes says, 'The forecasters have predicted an early winter, Watson.  Very wise of you to have gone back into your long underwear this morning.'

'Egad, Holmes!' ejaculates Watson. 'However could you have deduced that?'

'Elementary, my dear fellow.  You've forgotten to put on your trousers.'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

I have the heart of a lion.





And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I told my wife I have the body of a 16 year old.  She said, 'Well, give it back - you're getting it all wrinkled.'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They're efficient and not very funny.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to move the father...erm...penis...erm...ladder.

Boru