Posts: 15379
Threads: 450
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
29
RE: joke time
December 13, 2020 at 1:45 am
A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are aboard the sinking Titanic.
They rush to the lifeboat and as they get in, the rabbi says: "What about the children?"
The lawyer says: "Screw the children!"
The priest says, "Do you think we have time?"
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 2501
Threads: 158
Joined: April 19, 2013
Reputation:
19
RE: joke time
December 13, 2020 at 7:05 pm
God: gay relationship is a sin.
Also God: Love me.
Posts: 5813
Threads: 86
Joined: November 19, 2017
Reputation:
59
RE: joke time
December 19, 2020 at 5:14 pm
Quote:Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought.”
Posts: 34761
Threads: 200
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
145
RE: joke time
December 21, 2020 at 12:54 am
I am no longer allowing pets to sleep on the bed.
My goldfish died on my pillow last night.
Dying to live, living to die.
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
December 21, 2020 at 1:43 am
^ more like the cat(s) put it there!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 44175
Threads: 530
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
December 21, 2020 at 7:03 am
Betty White used to be known as 'Betty Grey', but then she defeated the Balrog and was reborn.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
December 21, 2020 at 8:46 am
The year has almost ended. To recap, the most destructive virus for 2020 goes to:
Trump. He did his absolute best to make it as destructive as possible. No-one can ever take that away from him...
Now fuck off you orange turd, no-one wants to see you again. Ever.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 9386
Threads: 19
Joined: September 8, 2015
Reputation:
79
RE: joke time
December 21, 2020 at 8:19 pm
Reports are coming from the Sun that 2020 is threatening to stay on for another term. This would require that Earth stop orbiting for another year, but there is apparently nothing in the Constitution that would prevent this. 2020 has already reached out to Jupiter and Saturn to exert more gravitational force and hold Earth in its place, and they are having a very close meeting right now to discuss the proposal. The Sun is perplexed, as it has never faced this situation in its 4.603 billion years. It has convened a counsel of its closest advisors - Mercury and Venus - but no one is sure what to do. 2021 is waiting its turn just a few million miles away, but 2020, in typical fashion, has told it to fuck off. The outer planets are fine with the proposal, as they never liked those warmer planets anyway and would like to screw them up any way possible. In a recent tweet, 2020 said "The Laws of Nature are Rigged!! Not Fair! Fight for another term!"
The Moon and Mars have not stated their positions yet, but the Asteroid Belt is said to be passing out 2020 flags, sporting the logo "Make the Solar System Great Again". They plan threatening flybys for any 2021 supporters.
Reported by The Solar Times.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
December 24, 2020 at 2:59 pm
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s glasses.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carol’s.”
Posts: 44175
Threads: 530
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
December 24, 2020 at 4:20 pm
I just found an article stating that the Egyptian government want all the cab drivers in Cairo to honk their cars horns more often. The idea is that people hearing more normal city sounds aren’t as likely to by hyper-stressed by the pandemic control measures. The scheme is known as
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
|
